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Divorce has become an
ac–
cepted solution to unhappy
marriages. But is divorce the
right solution?
by
Patrick
A.
Parnell
ALL
A KANURI
man of Bornu
~
province in northeastern Ni–
geria must do to divorce his
wife is say, " 1 divorce you," in front
of witnesses.
A couple without children in
communist Russia need only visit
the local registry office to undo the
connubial knot and sign away their
marriage. After payment of fifty
rubles, an immediate divorce decree
is granted.
,.,
years ahead. Divorce can never
really be final.
How can fathers or mothers really
divorce themselves from their own
fiesh and blood children? How can
husbands or wives divorce them–
selves from the days or weeks or
months or years of memories and
shared experiences which have be–
come part of their very person–
alities?
Even when divorce is a mutual
choice, it rarely occurs without im–
mense emotional, psychological, so–
cial and
financia!
upheaval.
Alienation, bitterness, disruption,
and frustration between a divorcing
couple and among their children,
•••TILL DIVORCE
lt's not that easy to get a divorce
in tbe Western world. Not yet, any–
way. But the ever increasing rise in
divorce in the affiuent West is ample
evidence of how acceptable divorce
has become. Couples are divorcing
more than ever befare. And in what
seems to be an almost concerted ef–
fort to make divorce the accepted
• solution to an unhappy marriage,
Western legislatures are bent on
bringing about quick, easy divorces.
Easier, quicker, "no fault" divorce is
becoming a modero Western trend.
"No fault" provisions eliminate fault
finding and the necessity of proving
specific charges against a mate in
court. The need to rehash stories of
adultery, physical and mental abuse,
cruelties of every description, and to
resurrect buried hurts becomes a
thing of the past. Expensive, drawn–
out court proceedings become fewer
and less necessary. No fuss, no mess,
no pain, we are assured.
But nomatter how acceptable divorce
becomes, how quick and easy it is to
get, fault or no fault, divorce hurts!
Why
Divorce Hurts
Divorce is painful and tragic, not
only at the outset, but also in the
8
friends and relatives often result.
The readjustment trauma follow–
ing divorce is such a shock that
sorne divorcées are never able to
come to grips with life. Suicide and
insanity, two to three times as high
for divorcées as for married persons,
may become their out.
In addition , divorced persons
tend to suffer from stresses brought
on by divorce. The illness rate, in
the first year following divorce, is
twelve times higher for divorced
persons than for married persons.
Instead of solving problems, di–
vocee compounds them. If there
were financia! difficulties prior to di–
vocee, they are usually increased af–
terwards. The divorcing wife may
either have to find emplí:>yment or
go on welfare to make ends meet.
An
ex-husband may end up paying
one third, one half, or even three
fourths of bis yearly gross income in
alimony and child support pay–
ments. l f he remarries, tbe burden
of trying to support two families
may become overwhelrning.
Perbaps most tragic of all is the
fact tbat sixty percent of all divorces
inW>lve child ren under eighteen
years of age.
lt
is an unquestionable fact that
children are more likely to grow up
healthy and happy if they live their
entire childhood in a happy home
with both parents than if their fam–
ily is split by divorce.
Studies show that children of di–
vorce are all too often the victims of
divorcing parents. They have a
higher rate of delinquency than
children from a normal two-parent
family. Children of divorce have
less self-confidence and less ability
to establish normal relationships
with members of the opposite sex.
And when relationships wi th mem–
bers of the opposite sex are devet–
oped, children of divorce tend to be
more promiscuous. They also have
more doubts about being able to
have a happy marriage. Sadly, they
themselves are more likely to have a
marriage end in divorce.
Why
Divorce?
Why do couples, so very much in
!ove in the beginning, vowing to
!ove one another "for richer or
poorer, in sickness and in health, till
death do us part," wind up their
marriage in misery and he!!rtache
by divorce? This is a vital question,
both for the unmarried as well as for
the already married.
A couple that understands poten–
tia! causes of divorce enters into
marriage with open eyes. Hopefully,
they will avoid the mistakes of
others. Married couples can recog–
nize mistak.es they may have made
PLAIN TRUTH May 1974