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you feel emotionally impulsive–
that is, you are not in cont rol of
your feelings- don' t make any big
decisions or take a critical action in
that state of mind . You will proba–
bly regret it later!
Persons with confused emotions
need proper counsel, advice and
support. They need someone of
sound emotional state with whom
to tal k ou t t hei r problems. But
where can lhey lurn?
Sorne encouragement and help
can come from a sound-minded
friend . But what is most required is
wisdom- an understanding of
God's laws of cause and effect (J as.
1:5-6). Huma n problems are
caused by breaking God's spiritual
or physical laws.
lnstead of bottling up emot ions,
letting them eat you up or dest roy
you , seek wise he lp and counsel.
Realisticall y face facts about each
situation.
Seek Sound Splrltual Guldance
God's true ministers, who know
and keep God's laws, are always
ready to help you. And you may
need to seek legal, fi nancial or
health assistance if necessary.
T ake time lo work through to
sound decisions. Don'l expect all
problems to resolve themselves
pai nlessly. Don' l turn to pallia–
lives. There is no true or lasting
solution in drugs, alcohol or fren–
zied living.
One sing le parent summed up
the wisdom needed to cope with a
fractured home: " You can't escape
all the hurts. You have to work
through t hem. But Jet your hurts
turn in to manageable memories
before you make a big decision–
especially remarriage!"
lt
is not the policy of
The Plain
Truth
to endorse specific social
organizations or agencies that deal
wit h various fami ly--or personal–
problems. The value of any such
organization or agency depends on
its leadership, values, purposes and
pol icies.
The Plain Truth
's focus is
to lead individuals to understand
the
cause
of human problems and
resolve not to repeat them.
Sorne organizations are especial–
ly helpful in that they encourage
individuals to realize they are far
January
1982
from alone in their problems. But
whalever advice you receive or
decisions you make, you m ust
j udge it all against the revealed
laws of God (Matt. 4:4) . T here is
no other source of true, revealed
knowledge!
Don't Worsen the Situation
Most divorced persons are so
wrapped up in their personal emo–
t ions they don' t realize how much
of a shock and surprise it was lo the
chi ldren when divorce was actually
announced to them-even if there
had been a long period of marital
s trife between mates. Sorne aulhor–
ities estímate 80 percent of pre–
school chi ldren are given no expla–
nation at all at the t ime of divorce.
~~
Something drastic must
happen in values
and altitudes to stop
this spiraling breakup
offamilies through
divorce, separation
and desertion.
' '
Children are often confused and
stunned.
Because many of these children
have misbehaved during the period
of marital strife, many of them feel
they are the cause of the breakup.
They need to know they are not.
Sin is the cause. Your Bible says,
"Sin is the transgression of the
law"-God's law
( 1
J ohn 3:4).
Children usually have li ttle to do
with a fi nal spli t. Divorced mates
must be careful not to compound
problems by letting children feel
guilty for parental marital failure.
Another common damaging
practice between separated mates is
using children as messengers of bad
feelings, problems or as bill collec–
tors.
If
you need to communicale
with a former mate, call or wr ite
personally. Don' t ever put child ren
in the middle of situations you
don't want to deal with or situa-
tions fraughf with misunderstand–
ing or hostilities.
Divorced o r separated parents
often make the mistake of cutting
thei r former mate down in front of
thei r children. Most chi ldren have
deep feel ings for
both
of thei r par–
ents even if parents can' t get along.
" It's like destroying half of me,"
said one child . A 13 year old said it
well , " My father has to understand
that when he shoots ar rows at my
mother, t hey first have to go
through our bodies before they
reach her."
lf you are not in custody of your
c h ildren, but are the "weekend
father" o r " weekend mother,"
t here are pitfalls to be aware of.
Remember you are st ill respons ible
for the sound guidance of your
visiting children. Don't allow "any–
thi ng goes" when children are in
your temporary care. Children may
try to pl ay one separated parent
against the other to get something
they want Uunk food , candy, toys) .
And don't bribe children to make
up for marital mistakes.
For an extensive period of t ime,
most children of d ivorce have a
deep down desire for reconci liat ion
between the parents. When that is
not possible, remember that chil–
dren need time to realize it. l f a
mate rushes foolishly into another
marriage before these feelings are
resolved in their children, they are
courting resentment.
Young children of divorce often
fear that if parents are willing to
stop loving each other, they wi ll
also stop loving them. These chil–
dren need to know both parents
sti ll love them and feel a commit–
ment to them. That Jove must be
proven by actions. The most emo–
tionally tragic s it uations for chil–
dren of divorce occur when the par–
ent of custody demands that chil–
dren totally renounce all love and
affection for the separated mate as
the price of acceptance and affec–
t ion.
If parent-child circums tances
permit, it is important that noncus–
tody parents try hard not to miss
regular times with their children .
S uch parents should make it clear
from the beginning that their chíl -
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