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step forth first and break harmful
patterns of communication.
Before you married, you saw qual–
ities that you appreciated in your
mate. Undoubtedly you expressed
your admiration and appreciation of
these qualities many times and in
many ways to the
on~
you loved. But
in marriage so many make the
big
mistake
of failing to continue to
express appreciation for the small
things-or even the big things- pro–
vided by their mates. Even good
marriages can slowly sour and die
because husbands and wives take
each other's labors and efforts for
granted.
What good qualities do you
appreciate in your mate
now?
No, 1 don't mean for you to
immediately reply, "But he (or
she) has all these bad qualities and
habits that bother me!" Right now
focus your mind on your mate's
good
qualities. List them in your
mind. Write them down to impress
your mind if you have to. lt's
important to recognize good "quali–
ties in a mate or in your marriage
even if those qualities seem to be
only a few now.
Are you
thankful
for those qual–
ities? Have you recently told your
mate you appreciate them in him or
her?
If you' re a wife, maybe your hus–
band is not as considerate or affec–
tionate as you would like, but he's a
good provider of physical necessi–
ties. Have you told him you appre–
ciate his efforts, and energy to pro–
vide for the family?
If you' re a husband, maybe you
feel your wife is not handling her
part of the budget as thriftily as she
could. These are difficult and infla–
tionary times for all. Have you told
her you appreciate her efforts todo
the best she knows how under the
circumstances? Have you encour–
aged her, not harangued her, about
handling her expenditures? Have
you commended her for her care of
the children perhaps, or her house–
keeping, or possibly the added
income she provides?
There isn't a human being alive
who doesn't want to receive appre–
ciation. God created that a living
law! Break that law by constant
focus on negative things or prob-
12
lems about a person, and every–
thing in life begins to appear totally
negative.
Lack of expressing appreciation
for good things causes one to lose
touch with the reality of any good
in another. Many mates destroy
their marriage out of ingratitude.
Marriage counsellors see this prob–
lem all the time.
The scriptures teach us the need
to be constantly expressing appre–
ciation to each other, "Giving
thanks
a/ways
for all [good]
things .. ." (Eph. 5:20) .
You want to be appreciated?
Then express genuine appreciation
to your mate.-or to any other per–
son for that matter.
If
you are consistent at express–
ing appreciation where
it
is due
(and it is due even for small things
others do for us) , there will be a
remarkable response. Maybe ex–
pressing appreciation won' t solve
all your marital problems, but it is
a positive first stepAO improve and
heal wounded marital relations and
communications.
Jesus taught us the critica!
over~
all principie in all right living:
"Therefore all things whatsoever ye
would that roen should do to you,
do ye even so to them: for this is
[the purpose of] the law and the
prophets" (Matt. 7:12) .
Give
Honor
and
Respect
It
may seem difficult at times of
heated differences of views or opin–
ions, but again, every human wants
to be shown honor and respect. Dif–
ferences of opinion are not an
excuse to drop respect.
What happens when husbands
and wives fail to show respect and
honor to each other-or to any other
person? An automatic wall of suspi–
cion is created. Others are more eas–
ily hurt, more touchy, when we must
point out their mistakes. They are
less receptive to even constructive
correction. Many disrespected, un–
appreciated persons start imagining
wrongs and insults when none are
intended or exist.
God commands us in all of our
human relationships, "Honour
al/
men"
(1
Pet. 2: 17) . Yes, even if a
person does not always express
right character!
Why?
Because respect breeds respect!
Disrespect inflames bad feelings.
It
makes a good situ'ation bad and a
bad situation worse.
Remember, your mate is a person
who willingly gave up many personal
options and freedoms to marry you.
Have you shown honor and respect
to your mate for taking on the chal–
lenge of marriage and family respon–
sibilities? Or to live with all your
imperfections? Treat your mate with
dignity and, chances are, he or she
will want to rise to a higher leve! of
respect for you!
Be Forgiving
The attitude, "1'11 nev–
er forgive you for
that!" is the surest way
for wounds and hurts
in marriage never to
heal. An unmerciful ,
unforgiving attitude
leads to discourage–
ment and depression.
It
inflames
tension and strife.
It
hardens discord
and bate.
How many mates have the habit
of dredging up past mistakes- in
prívate or public-to embarrass or
put down a mate? That's being
unmerciful and unforgiving.
lt
re–
opens old wounds.
You, of course, want merey and
forgiveness for your shortcomings.
You don't want them repeated again
and again . Then be willing to show
the wonderful attitude of merey and
forgiveness to another. "Be ye there–
fore merciful, as your Father [in
heaven] also is merciful ," inStructs
scripture (Luke 6:36).
(Continued on page 38)
T1HI
PLAIN TRUTH