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"1 have tried to keep myself pure
waiting for the right man.
It
has
not been easy. And 1 certainly
haven't found the right man. 1 can't
seem to find one who wants to live
by God's standards and who can
fall in love with me and me with
him.
"Am 1 destined to live out the
rest of my life lonely and single?
Or should 1 compromise my val–
ues? 1 especially want to have a
child. 1 have even cometo the point
I would consider having a chi ld out
of wedlock. 1 know this is sin, but
what can 1 do?
" Please help."
l'm sure there are a number of
young men (and maybe not so
young) who are also having a hard
time finding the right woman to
marry.
Of the nearly 20 million people
worldwide who read
The Plain
Truth
every month, I'm sure there
are hundreds of thousands of sin–
gles. Many have not been married.
Others have been unhappily mar–
ried and have divorced- some
probably more than once. Most sin–
gles hope for a good and happy
marriage someday.
Meanwhile they wait.
Perhaps the first order of busi–
ness is to address being single.
On Being Single
Remaining single is no sin. Any
number of biblical personalities did
not marry. Or if they were married,
became a widow or widower, and
did not remarry. For many this is a
matter of choice.
There has been, unfortunately, a
social stigma with being single.
This can sometimes lead to undue
pressures to marry the wrong per–
son. The predicament then created
is even worse than being single.
That is assuredly not the answer.
The apostle Paul did not marry
because his service in God's work
was so strenuous and dangerous he
simply did not feel he could ask a
woman to share a life of perilous
travel and frequent persecution.
Yet he indicated he had the same
appreciat ion of marriage as any of
the other ministers in his day
(1 Cor. 9:5).
For the same reason his traveling
companions Luke, Timothy, Titus,
Sitas and others apparently did not
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Auguat 1984
marry-at least in their younger
years.
Yet Peter, J ames, Philip and
other ministers of God were mar–
ried.
Paul has been accused of being a
misogynist and misogamist- two
fancy words that mean a hater of
women and a hater of marriage.
Paul was neither.
Many have misunderstood Paul 's
statement in I Corinthians 7:1:
"Now for the matters you wrote
about:
It
is good for a man not to
marry."
The times were rough. There
was persecution upon many Chris–
tians. In the pagan society of
Corinth, it was difficult to live a
Christian life. Paul's advice not to
marry was temporary. Notice what
he said in verse 26: "Because of the
present crisis,
1 think that it is good
for you to remain as you are."
Sorne were married and won–
dered if the difficult times meant
they should separate. A few who
had unconverted mates even won–
dered if they should divorce.
Others who were not married ques–
tioned whether they could or
should get married. They did have
natural sexual desires and knew
they would be tempted to sin if
they did not marry.
Paul instructed those who were
married not to separate. And those
who were single? He understood the
problem. He said, " lf you do marry,
you have not sinned" (verse 28). But
he advised if they could wait till the
persecution subsided, they would be
better off. In no case was he perma–
nently opposed to marriage.
At this time most of our readers
are not undergoing severe persecu–
tion.
lt
is perfectly normal to plan
and pursue marriage if you are
otherwise free to do so and if you
desire.
But How to Find a Mate?
What if you are among those thou–
sands of singles who really do want
to obey God's laws, but have not
found a compatible mate to share
the remainder of your natural life
with?
lt
is not always an easy task to
find both physical and spiritual
compatibility. Yet both are impor–
tant ingredients to a happy and suc–
cessful marriage.
The best answer to this problem
anyone has ever found is to recog–
nize one fact: The one person you
can prepare for marriage is vou!
While you wait for the right per–
son there are a number of things
you can do. First, pray fervently
about it. There is a God in heaven
who knows your every need. He
wants you to express those needs to
hi m in prayer. If you trust in faith,
in the course of time, when God
knows it is right, he will direct you
in finding the right person.
If you are a well-adjusted, outgo–
ing and happy single, the chances
are you will make someone a won–
derful life partner. If you have
developed the abi lity to converse,
and have a warm concerned desire
to serve and help, when you marry,
you have a much better chance for
adjustment- provided it is with the
proper person.
On the other hand, frustrated
and selfish individuals who marry
out of desperation do not make
suitable mates.
Take Advantage of the Single Years
To diversify your skills and develop
a greater capacity for a happy mar–
riage, get the best possible educa–
tion for your interests and abilities.
Take the time to pursue further
education or obtain special job
training. Take advantage of the sin–
gle years. The chances are, with a
mate and, later, children, it will be
hard to find time for such pur–
suits.
Another broadening experience
is travel. If as a single person you
can afford an international trip (or
for that matter travel within your
borne country) you will find this
can add to your perspective of life.
It will help you better understand
the world you live in and give you a
greater sense of confidence.
The most logicaJ way a person in
the Western world becomes ac–
quainted with a member of the
opposite sex is through dating.
And this is often where the rub
comes. H ow do you become
acquainted with others well enough
to go out with them? And what if
their moral values and standards
are not as yours?
To younger singles, dating is
often less of a problem than to old–
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