Basic HTML Version
by
Dan C. Taylor
Here's a solution to one of today's fast-growing tragedies.
D
IVORCE
is far more
than a n un p leasant
fact of life. For those
who have experienced
what it is like to have a mar–
riage fall apart around them,
it's a nightmare.
Yet in spite of the pain and sor–
row divorce can cause, the trend of
failed marriages is still upward.
When will we humans Iearn what
we are doing to ourselves?
The casualty figures are enor-
18
mous. Millions of lives are shat–
tered. Parents who become irrecon–
cilable and experience divorce
know how traumatic it can be. And
the very nature of sorne legal sys–
tems only creates more host ility
between divorcing mates.
Somewhere in the divorce pro–
cess, however, children of divorce
often become of secondary impor–
tance unless parents are careful.
Many parents, caught up in the
emotions of court battles, can for–
get how deeply and profoundly
their children are being affected.
How do chi ldren react to
divorce? How will it affect them?
How can you, if you are a divorced
parent, help your children adjust to
the circumstance of liJe in a single–
parent family? ls there hope of a
brighter future for them?
Di vorce and Children
No two children have quite the
same reaction to their parents'
divorce, but there are sorne typical
responses.
Divorce, for children, is a time of
confusion and helplessness. They
have no sense of control over their
lives, and they fear for their rela–
tionship with their parents.
As a result of the turmoil caused
by divorce, many children, even
adolescents, have trouble sleeping,
concentrating or even controlling
bodily functions.
Their moods may swing radically
from near total withdrawal to
hyperactive aggression. Overall,
there is a pervasive feeling of lone–
liness and depression.
The basic question in children's
minds is, "What's going to become
of me?" Bu t not al! of their
thoughts are self-centered. They
also worry about their parents.
"Where will Daddy live?" "Who'll
take care of Mommy? "
Many children may believe that
they caused their parents' divorce
and bear a huge burden of guilt.
Keith Black of the Winnipeg, Man–
itoba, Child Guidance Clinic noted ,
" I
have talked to children from
divorced or separated homes, and
they keep wondering and asking
themselves if they are to blame. "
Younger children have difficul–
ties mainly because their under–
standing of the situation is superfi–
cial, and yet their feelings on the
matter run deeper than they or
most adults realize. They have nei–
ther the confidence nor the vocabu–
lary to state how they fe.el. And
those pent-up feelings can be a
time bomb just waiting to go off
sometime in their lives.
Ch ildren suffer conflicts of
loyalty. And this emotional tug-of–
war can be compounded by bitter
criticism of one mate by the other.
Preadolescent· boys especially iden–
tify with their fathers, so any criti–
cism directed at Dad may wound
them as well.
The PLAIN TRUTH