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follows , then, that
we must dcvelop self-con–
trol over our emotions.
And we must practice
that intelligent self-con–
trol until it becomes hab–
it.
Anger, for instance, is
one of the strongest emo–
tions, and one of the most
dangerous, potentiall y.
How many murders have
occurred among family
members because anger
was not properly con–
trolled?
Today, in light of star–
tling new evidence from
psychological studies, a
human debate is raging as
to whether it is better to
deal with anger by simply
releasing it or by channel–
ing it in different direc–
tions. Let's look at anger
as an example of what we
mean by cmotional ma–
turity.
An ger: Vent or Preven t ?
The traditional assump-
tion in psychotherapy is that
anger should be ventilated; that is,
expressed or "Jet out" to prevent
st ress and other health problems.
The idea is that suppressed hostil–
ity is unhcalthy and that one may
"work ofr' hostility by hitting,
breaking or throwing something.
But new experimental evidence
challenges th is t heory. Social psy–
chologist Carol Tarvis, in her new
book
Anger: The Misunderstood
Emot ion,
asserts that anger re–
leased, rather than anger sup–
pressed or dealt with otherwise,
causes stress and may well spawn
more conflict.
Says Dr. Tarvis: " People who
are most prone to give vent to
their rage get angrier, not less
angry. l observe a lot of hurt fee l–
ings among t he recipients of rage.
And l can plot the stages in a
typical 'venti lating' marital argu–
ment: precipi tat ing event, angry
outbu rst , shouted recriminations,
screaming or crying, the furious
peak (sometimes accompanied by
physicaJ assault), exhaust ion, súl–
len apology, or just su llenness.
The cycle is replayed the next day
May 1983
Emotional maturity is
exercising proper
self-control over the
psyche- the element that
gives us intellect and
free moral agency, as
opposed to animals, which
function on instinct.
or next week. What in this is 'ca–
thartic' [bringing release from ten–
sion] ? Screaming? T hrowing a
pot? Does either action cause the
anger to vanish or th e ang r y
spouse to feel better? Not that
J
can see."
Dr. Tarvis goes on to show that
anger and stress are not nccessari ly
related- people who deal with
anger in more mature ways may
well be healthier than those who
subscribe to the "Jet it out" theo–
ry.
Reftecting about a situation that
makes you angry, deciding on a
reasonable, effective, calm response
and then executing the response is
far more effective and healthy than
erupting emotionally, increasing
your blood pressure and exacerbat–
ing tensions between you and
whoever else is involved in t he d is–
pute.
Rethinking a provocation and
deciding on appropriate, intelligent
action is a more matu re emotional
response.
T his conclusion sounds much
like the advice offered by the bibli–
cal book of Proverbs:
them.
"He who is slow to
wrath has great under–
standing, but he who is
impulsive exalts folly"
( Prov. 14:29).
"A wrathful man stirs
up strife, but he who is
slow to anger allays con–
tention" (Prov.
15: 18).
"A soft answer turns
away wrath, but a harsh
word stirs up a nger"
(verse
1).
T he Bible offers much
sound advice on building
successful human rela–
tionsh ips. The book of
Prover bs in particular
contains much u seful
information on self-con–
trol, much of it dealing
with emotional maturity.
li:
' Y ou migbt just read
i
th rough these p roverbs
~
sometime. T hey apply to
~
everyday situations and
;¡
are easy to unders tand,
~
especially if you read in
"' a mod e ro translation.
6 You may be su rpr ised at
the wisdom you'll find in
Lest anyone get the wrong idea,
we must make this statement: We
are not saying there is never a
t ime for the proper expression of
anger. God created our emotions
and all of them have their right
uses.
The Bible shows t hat thcre is a
proper time to s how "righteous
indignation." Even Jesus himself
was angry on occasion, and with
good cause.
But the typc of anger Jesus
expressed-the type we may
express-is not selfish, deprcssing,
r esentful , hateful
or
violent
toward other human beings. Righ–
teous indignation seeks to teach
people how to right wrongs. lt
feels stabbing sad ness at the trag–
edics s in produces in this world.
Jt
is not destructive, but construc–
tive.
Need e d : Self -contro l
If
ou r emotional responses are to
func t ion successfully with other
people, we need habitually to
make mature emotional responses.
Good emotional habits can be
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