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The answer is that we
don't
think about a lot of
the things we do, includ–
ing many of our emotion–
al responses! Our behav–
ior is a matter of habit–
automat ic, u n th i nking
patterns of action in–
grained in the subcon–
scious parts of our minds.
How we react emotional–
ly to various stimuli–
whether we retain our
composu re, laugh, cry,
feel sadness or become
angry and lash out- is as
much a matter of habitas
is smoking or lying or
cursing or overeating.
Yes, the habit of emo–
tional immatur ity, or lack
of emotional control, is
the cause of much ínter–
personal woe today.
Emotiona l Maturi t y
What , exactly, do we
mean by the term
emo–
tiona/ maturity?
The
subject of emotion is
much studied and much
talked about but much misunder–
stood, especially in the Western
world, today.
The truth is that few people
mature emotionally. Sorne bott le
up al l their feelings inside, never
displaying any intensity of passion,
upset or desire. Others, as the old
saying goes, "wear their hearts on
their sleeves" and go to pieces or
boí l over at the slightest provoca–
t ion. Sorne can seemingly turn
emotions- grief, excitement, an–
ger-on and off like a water fau–
cet.
Bu t where is the balance? What
is emotional maturity- what is t he
proper use of emotions? Psycholo–
gists and other authorities needless–
ly d isagree on the subject.
Educator Herbert W. Arm–
strong writes: "The great tragedy
of our generation is that nearly all
people mature physically, perhaps
half to two thirds mature mentally,
but very few ever grow up emotion–
ally or spiritually.
One is not a
fully mature man or woman, as
God intended, unti l
emotional
and
spiritual
maturity has been
reached!"
32
Moods, feelings and desires, says
Mr. Armstrong, must be controlled
and guided according to the sound
reasoning of the mind, instead of
impulsively following them without
mental direction .
Emotional maturity is exercising
proper se l f-control over the
psyche-the element that gives us
intellect and free moral agency, as
opposed to animals, which function
on instinct.
As the Bible says, "He who is
slow to anger is better than the
mighty, and he who rules his spirit
than he who takes a city" (Prov.
16:32, RAV) . This character trait
of rul ing one's spirit is the founda–
tion of emotional maturity.
Emotional immaturity is allow–
ing human nature free expres–
sion-seeing every circumstance
through the eyes of feelings
alone-lett ing emotions and not
considered reason domínate the
m
i n~ .
"Yell ing, loud talking, bu rsts of
temper, rudeness- all these are
lack of emotional 'growing up.'
Emot ional immaturity is simply
letting human nature run sway
without any control from
a right-thinking, reason–
ing mind ," says Mr.
Armstrong.
Social psychologist
Caro! Tarvis, speaking
about uncontrolled emo–
tion, says, "An emotion
w ithout social rules of
containment and expres–
sion is like an egg without
a shell: a gooey mess."
Uncontro ll ed emo–
tion- emotional imma–
turity- quickly becomes
habitual.
Emotions as Habits
A l)abit is a learned pat–
tern of acting- a way of
behaving that has become
routine.
The human brain is
able to form habits to free
itself from having to con–
sciously consider mun–
dane, everyday tasks. We
don't have to think about
tying a shoe, walking,
chewing. With these de–
tails handled by habit, the
brain can devote its attention to the
more challenging, unfami liar and
pot~ntially
dangerous stimuli from
among the thousands that bombard
it every day.
The more times we do things or
react to things a certain way, the
more "worn" the neural circuits
and pathways in the brain and ner–
vous system become. This is how
habits develop and become deeply
rooted.
Thus, if a man reacts in anger
every time bis wife reminds him of
sorne broken appliance that needs
repair, he will develop a habit of
snapping at her when she speaks to
him. This poor emotional response
does not foster a harmonious rela–
tionship.
A
parent who does everything
but stand on bis head to stop a child
from crying, every time the child
cries, is teacbing tbe chi ld to
manipulate others by misusing
emotions. Or, tbe child with such a
parent may come to believe that
any display of emotion is wrong,
begin to squelch feelings inside and
become a walking time bomb later
in life.
The
PLAIN TRUTH