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formed just as bad emotional hab–
its can, though breaking bad hab–
its after years of practicing them
can be difficult. Here are sorne
pract ica) points on formi ng good
emotional habi ts:
•
Think before you respond.
Consider all the facts. l f your child
repeatedly asks for instruc t ions
about how to perform the same
task, will it really help if you fly off
the handle, raise your voice, do the
job yourself or tell the c hild he or
she is stupid? No.
lf the c hild is sincerely trying
to understand , you need to explain
the instructions in a different way
or determine s pecifically what
your son or d a ug hter doesn 't
understand, and carefull y explain
that part. Patience is a virtue.
Psychologist T arvis explains how
bus drivers who are exposed to con–
stant provocations by passengers
are helped to deal with the irrita–
t ions:
"New Yo rk Ci ty bus driv–
ers ... may now see a fi lm in which
they learn that passengers who
have irritating man nerisms may
actual ly have hidden hand icaps.
Repeated questions ('Dr iver, is this
83rd Street?') may indicate severe
anxiety, which the passenger can–
not control; apparent drunkenness
may actua lly be cerebral palsy;
mild epi leptic seizures can make a
passenger seem to be deliberately
ignoring a d river 's orders. '(The
film) makes you feel funny about
the way you 've treated passengers
in the past ,' says a bus driver from
Queens. ' Before
1
saw th is film, if a
passenger rang the bell five times,
l 'd take him five blocks to get even.
Now 1' 11 say, " Maybe the person is
sick." ' "
A corollary to this point of think–
ing befare you respond is to make
sure you see the situat ion clearly.
You should act on the situat ion, in
other words, and not on what you
may incorrect ly
think
is the situa–
t ion.
Perha ps you a re waiti ng for
someone to retu rn a call from you,
and are growing more upset by the
minute because you are sure the
person is just ignoring you. Wai t a
minute! The pe rson may be inno–
cent. Are you sure he got your mes–
sage and knows you want him to
call back?
34
Work on being less impulsive–
don't jump to conclusions. As Prov–
erbs 18:13 says, " He who answers a
matter befare he hears it , it is folly
and shame to him."
•
Be more tolerant of others.
Almost everyone has foibles and
flaws- you may have sorne your–
selP. Give other people the benefit
of the doubt and forgive thei r fail–
ures as long as they are really try–
ing to overcome them.
After all , God will j udge you
according to how you judge others.
Jesus said, " But if you do not for–
give men their trespasses, neithe r
will your Father forgive your tres–
passes" (Matt. 6: 15).
Also, when you react in a cer–
tain, habitual way to sorne irritation
from someone else, you are actually
allowi ng that person to con trol
what you do. But why should you?
Ma inta in you r self-cont ro l a nd
don't be overcome by anger, resent–
ment or impat ience. You- not
someone else or sorne bad emotion–
al habit- should decide what you
are going to do.
•
Ask for he/p.
When you are
trying to develop a good habi t , jus t
as when you are t rying to break a
bad one, the support and encour–
agement of others can be invalu–
able. A reassuring word or wink
from a mate or friend when you
have properly cont rolled yourself in
a certain situation can spur you to
greater achievement.
Don't be afraid to ask for help.
You are tryi ng to improve yourself,
and that's nothing to be ashamed
o
f.
•
Practice the good trait .
Hold
your temper , but don't hold any
resentment. Laugh when someone
tells a good joke, and show proper
sympathy when someone suffers a
tragedy. As the saying goes, prac–
tice makes perfect. Performing the
r igh t trait e noug h times will
ingrain it into your character as a
good habit.
•
R eplace the bad habits with
good ones.
For most, developing
emotional habits will fi rst require
that a lifetime's worth of bad emo–
tional habits be broken. The strug–
gle may be difficult, but it is not
impossible to win. The only way to
permanently free yourself from a
bad habit is to replace it with a
good one.
Fo r example, me re ly gritting
your tecth and absorbing provoca–
tion aftcr provocation from sorne
inconsiderate person is not going to
develop a good emotional habit.
You will only build up an inner
rage- even hatred-toward the
person, and eventua lly you' ll proba–
bly do something you' ll wish you
hadn 't, like explode. lt 's fine to
learn to ignore the irri tation, but at
the same time you should learn to
look at the situation differently, or
ask the person to recons ider doing
whatever he is doing, or avoid simi–
lar situations as much as possible in
the future.
•
Base your responses on God's
way of giving.
In simplest terms,
every effect in the world around
us- broken families, wars, econom–
ic problems, poor labor relat ions,
famine , lone liness- has a cause .
Every effect is produced by follow–
ing one or the other of two basic
ways of life: the way of
give
or the
way of
get.
God's way is the way of
giving–
the way of lave, helping others,
serving, cooperating, thinking as
much or more of others tha n you
do of yourself. T his is the way that
produces every good result man
cou ld want. Remember J esus '
words? He said ,
" It
is more blessed
to give than to receive" (Acts
20:35).
The way of
get-the
way most
people in this world follow-pro–
duces strife, unhappiness, conflict,
war- and emotional upset! Emo–
tionally immature people have not
learned to base their responses on
God's way of giving instead of the
human, carnal way of getting. They
tend to be selfish and view every
situat ion only in terms of thei r own
necds or desires. Emoti ona ll y
mature people have learned to con–
sider the needs of others and are, in
general, more outgoing, secure and
broadminded.
Giving, this last key to develop–
ing emotional maturity, is the most
important and most far-reachi ng in
its ramifi cations.
The Key: Outgoing Concern
This way of giving must be so
st rong ly ingrained as a general hab–
it that it is our complete motivation
in every si tuation. Giving must be
(Continued on page 38)
The
PLAIN TRUTH