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WHENTHE
KISSING
BEGINS TO STOP...
by
John Ross Schroeder
Around the world married people are in trouble- mainly with their spouses. Most
ignore the telltale signs until it's too late! Here's how you can
prevent your marriage from falling apart-and maybe even enrich it.
B
y 2030, the family as
an institution will be
carried on by a minori–
t y." So says a distinguished
American author in a recent
book about future life in the
Western world. Presumably
the majority will be "living
together."
Modern man has made a trav–
esty of a great institution. Mar–
riage is in a sad state of decline.
lndeed divorce has become an
institution in itself. Thousands
of articles have been written to
try to steer people away from
the pitfalls of divorce. But to
Ii ttle avail. Generally speaking,
most married couples with seri–
ous problems wind up calling
it
quits, anyway.
They didn' t start out that way.
Take a look at the average wedding
picture. Man and wife are beam–
ing- their faces wreathed in big
window smiles. They literally radiate
happiness. "This is forever!"
What happened in just a few
short months or years? The smi les
are no longer there. Frustration and
disappointment have set in. Trust
has been replaced by suspicion.
Each may suspect the other of infi–
delity. One partner may be plan–
ning divorce. The other may be
considering desertion.
l t didn't just happen for no rea–
son.
lt
is axiomatic that there is a
cause for every effect. Marital
September / October 1982
miser ies have a definite set of
causes. But lefs try to discover the
one basíc root cause!
What Caused the Bust-up?
A couple divorces. They join the
statistics. Their children are
plunged into a vortex of insecuri–
ty- left to face a harsh and cruel
world in a
one-par~nt
family. Both
the man and woman face major
readjustments in their lives. What
caused it al!?
Was it sex? Or that J ack
couldn't manage money or even
hold a job for long? Was it a med–
dling mother- in-law? Or J oan
insisting on a job outside the
home? Maybe they just didn't get
on well together.
No sane person would dény t hat
any one or all of these things and
many more are part of the fty in the
ointment. But the one root cause
goes a lot deeper than any of these
tbings.
Men and women saddled with
bad marriages have one point in
common. They have ignored sorne
very good advice. That advice
comes in just five little words.
"Love your neighbor as your–
self. "
But who is my neighbor? Isn't
he or she the person next door?
Mates on the job? Church breth–
ren? C lub members? Yes, al! of
these people and, in a broader
sense, al! of humanity are our
neighbors. But too often we forget
the identity of our
number one
neighbor.
You've heard the old cliché,
" Charity begins at borne." C lichés
are clichés simply because they' re
usually true. Our number one
neighbor is our spouse-husband
or wife.
The average Joe or Jane usually
behaves in a courteous and civil
manner towards friends and neigh–
bors.
If
we are not awfully careful,
our spouse can be the only excep–
tion to the accepted rules of behav–
ior.
A business client telephones a
city executive on the job. The sec–
retary buzzes bis office and informs
him that an important client is on
the phone. No matter how rough he
feels at the moment, he takes a
deep breath, forces a smi le and
says, "Helio, how are you ?" in a
most pleasant voice showing both
interest and concern .
Another cal! comes through a
few minutes la ter. "It's your
wife," the secretary announces .
..Oh, her again," he mutters
under his breath. "Okay, 1'11 take
it this time," comes the reluctant
answer. His wife does get
through, but is unceremoniously
g reeted wit h "What is it this
time?"
Tbis man forgot the identity of
bis number one ne igbbor. He
behaves in a very courteous manner
toward bis clients and the big boss.
He may even treat his employees
witb deference and decorum. But
his wife? Tbat's another matter
altogether. The probable long-term
result of such prolonged behavior
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