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18
Lions Club. He ís likely to be regarded
as a stalwart member of the communíty
- a concerned citizen - an active, con–
tributing member of this society.
In all probabílity, he doesn't really
know what his daughter thinks. He
evidently works hard - giving time
and energy to hís job to provide for bis
family. He sees his daughter at home,
getting ready for her activities, school
socials, etc. Sometimes he must feel
frustrated and may comment,
"1
just
don't understand these kids today." At
times he may try to come up with some–
thing to say to his daughter but is at a
loss to find any rapport. So, finding no
common ground, he buries bis face in
the newspaper or hurries off to his club
duties.
This situation describes
tho11sands
of
bornes where there is virtually no father
influence !
The trouble is that too much time is
spent trying to pin the blame on sorne–
ene, instead of solving the problem!
Parents accuse the teens - "They're
young, rebellious and
tuon't listen."
The teens accuse the parents
"They're square, hard-nosed and
1l'Ott'l
listen."
The common denominator? Neither
will
listen.'
Each usually feels the other
is at fault. For teen-agers, the subject of
parents is so charged with emotion,
many do not even want to discuss them
with interviewers.
Results of Another Survey
Bibi
W
ein, author of
T
he RmMway
Generation,
reported: "There was more
reticence and emotional charge on the
subject of parents thao on anythiog else
covered in the interviews." She meaos
that the teen-agers interviewed spoke
more openly about theír sexual activi–
ties, drugs, etc. than they did about
their parents.
She continues: "Rather than express–
ing hostility, anger or condescensioo for
the elder generation, most kids just
didn't seem to want to talk about it. [A
sigo of deep hurt and emotíonal
involvement. ] They seemed willing
enough to try, but were unsuccessful in
remembering much about their pre–
adolescent relationships wíth their
parents, and maoy found it painful to
discuss their present relationship."
Tbe
PLAIN TRUTH
Teen-agers were asked, "Was there a
time when you liked your parents better
than you do oow?" Miss Wein reports:
''Most answered
yes,
but could not say
when that changed, or what had
happened.
"About 65% said their parents did
not know much about their attitudes
and feelings."
Miss Wein t.hen asked a series of
questions that illustrate the attitude of
teen-agers toward their parents.
"Queslion: Do you u'ant them to
·
know more?
"Many answered
yes.
Those who said
no, did so not because of secrets or fear
of punishment, but because of fear of
disillusioning and disappointing their
parents, or because they felt that there
was siwply no possibility for more
understanding.
"Q11estion: W ould you like
10
know
more aboti! them?
"Almost aH said yes.
"Question:
lP
as
there a time 11'hell
J'Ott
decided
it
waJ better not to tell
;·our parents personal thiugs?
"! net•er talked lo
·my
parents,
was
one fairly common answer. Others said
there once was such a time, but they
~ould
not recaU it. Many seemed to feel
that time had been around the
age of
six.
There was a strong feeling that
par–
enls
didn't want to know more about
their children and
t1m·e
mnuilling to
receive commtmications
on any subject
where there might be disagreement"
(ibid.,
pp.
307-308).
When Communication
Breaks Down
Parents start Josing communication
with
their
children about the age of six.
In other words - about the time the
chi!d enters school. It seems at this
point, parent and child begin to live in
two different worlds. Their interests
part. Their lives become more enigmatic
to each other until there is really noth–
ing to
talk
about.
Here, in many cases, ís the beginning
of the problem!
As
long as all members
of the family share everything in com–
mon and the children are not affected
by outside interests - all
seems
to go
well. The la(;k of commnnication,
GENUINE TNTEREST
and
OUTGOING
March 1971
CONCERN
between members of the
family has not yet shown its wéakness
at this point in a child's life.
But when children enter school and
grow older, new interests, new influ–
ences begín to make their marks. As
time progresses, the weakness allowed
to develop in the fami ly unit becomes
more evident. Not all parents realize
they are out of contact with their chil–
dren -
tbat school iofluences are
stronger than the family. At this point
they make a second tragic mistake. In
order to "rap" with their kids, they try
to be like them.
How do teen-agers view their tragic
attempt?
Here is part of an interview with
Rosemary,
17,
a senior in high school,
as recorded in the book,
The Mttsic of
Their La11ghter.
Attempts at Communication
"Do your parents know you use
dope?"
"1
don't know. It's really hard to tell
with my father. Like he's turned on a
couple of times, but that's sort of hush,
hush. At one time he brought home
sorne joints that somebody gave him.
lt's like my mother really didn't realize
what was happening. She just laughed
it off and said,
'I
hope you don't smoke
that stuff all the time.
It
smells terrible.'
But like, he does it very infrequently."
"Did he offer any to you ?"
"He said, 'Here, would you like a
toke ?' And
I
took it, pretending that
1
didn't know how to smoke it. I mean,
my mother turned around and looked
the other way.
It tras like he
11'aS
trying
to make some kind of a bridge,
BUT
THAT
\"11
ASN'T THE
\VI
AY TO DO IT"
(The M!(Sic of Their La11ghter,
by
Thorpe and Blake, p. 84).
This is the approach of a growing
number of young parents. They feel the
way to get to their children is to join
the kids. In the case of Rosemary's
father - by smoking pot!
Rosemary knew that was not the
right thing to do! She didn't want
t~e
bridge of communication built that
way!
It
did not make her !ove or respect
her parents.
Referring to her father she says: "M
y