Basic HTML Version
In such
cas~s,
perhaps only a trag–
edy is enough to shock the insensitive
partner into an awareness of his or
her responsibilities. And, ironically,
all too often it takes the tragedy of
threatened divorce to bring the mes–
sage borne.
Why Married Partners
Neglect Communication
A complete revealing of one's self
requires a great deal of courage.
People fear unveiling their inner
selves and opening up to another hu–
man being, even to their mate, their
doubts and fears as well as their
hopes and dreams.
Why? They fear to be misunder–
stood. They fear ridicule, criticism or
censure.
Until a solid relationship has been
slowly and painstakingly built over a
period of months and years, even
married people avoid "telling all" to
one another. Yet, until this lack is
rectified they can never truly be
"one." There will always be an inner
yearning for "someone" to whom
they can truly unburden themselves
and know that they will not be quick–
ly or easily misunderstood.
Men are often more proud than
women. They have greater difficulty
in admitting that they are afraid. By
a harsh word or growl, a man may
cut short his wife and termínate a
conversation which he fears. A con–
versation which might unveil part of
his true nature if it were pursued.
Why?
We a ll fear being judged, being
criticized, being misunderstood.
And many of us fear receiving un–
wanted and ill-thought-out advice.
Especially advice from a loved one,
one who can hurt us deeply.
A husband may be experiencing a
complicated problem in his work or
profession. He hesitantly starts to
share this deepest anxiety-some–
thing he has thought about and ana–
lyzed for months-with bis wife. lm–
mediately she blurts out: "You should
stand up for yourself like a man and
take thus and such action ...."
Her husband lowers his eyes and
feels sick inside. "She didn't even
wait to hear the whole problem!" he
thinks. He feels that she treats him
like a little boy with her ready-made
The
PLAIN TRUTH August 1979
answers regarding something she
knows nothing about!
He is crushed and defeated in his
desire to find mature help and under–
standing regarding what may·now be
the biggest problem of
~is
entire ca–
reer. But he is forced to withdraw, to
change the subject , or leave the
room. His wife meant well, but she
did not know how to listen.
To understand deeply another hu–
man being, we must learn to
listen,
and
not reply. We must listen well-at–
tempting to perceive the emotional
colorings of the words as well as the
words themselves. We must take time
to allow our mate to unburden his or
her heart to us, again and again. We
must not offer criticism or judgment
during this learning process.
We must fervently seek to under–
stand. There is a very close link be–
tween love and understanding. Be–
cause the very nature of true !ove is
outgoing concern, true lovers always
seek to understand, to encourage, to
share the depths of their beings with
one another.
What ToDo
To all who would practice the art of
total communication, of understand–
ing, of love as outlined in this article,
1 have sorne suggestions which
1
give
here in summary.
First , build a deep interest in the
growth and fulfillment of your mate
as a person. Sorne of the last quoted
words of Jesus Christ found in the
Bible are these:
"It
is more blessed to
give than to receive."
There is no greater opportunity af–
forded on this earth to give, to share,
to inspire joy and a sense of fulfill–
ment in another person, than the op–
portunity of marriage. If each part–
ner thinks, " How much can I give
toward the joy and fulfillment of my
mate?"-what a recipe for para–
dise!
Teach yourself to share and to
communicate on the highest level.
Take time for long talks together–
perhaps including walking, hiking or
cycling together over tbe countryside
if you can. Plan to take short over–
night or business trips together occa–
sionally-leaving small children with
competent family friends or relatives.
Such trips should become "second
honeymoons" and put new zest into
your marriage.
Take holiday or vacation trips to–
gether. Do things that you can truly
share and enjoy with one another.
At home, develop mutual interests
and hobbies that you can share.
It
matters not what it is as long as you
share
it by the hour with one another.
As long as it is a vehicle to stimulate
a deeper closeness and understanding
between you and the most precious
individual on the face of the earth–
your mate.
Learn to respond to one another–
openly and lovingly. Have no secrets.
Bear no grudges. This is your only
life, your only mate, your only love.
Learn to think and feel in unison,
solving al! your problems
together
as
a team. The mutual encouragement
and stimulus you'll feel, the added
warmtli and love you'11 experience,
will add an extra dimension of under–
standing and purpose and joy to your
life that cannot be obtained in any
other way.
Truly, "it is not good that a
man should be alone " (Genesis
2:18).
o
ls Marriage
Passé?
ls marriage, like the honest polili·
cian, in danger of extinction? De·
pending on which expert you con–
sull. marriage is elther a) declining,
b) already dead, or e) making a
mild comeback . In any case, there's
been a major shakeup of values.
The importan! thing is: What does it
all mean to you? Whether you're
single, married. or contemplating di·
vorce, you'll find the booklet
Why
Marriage?-Soon Obsolete?
most
helpful. lt's free-jusi return the lit–
erature Request card in this issue,
or write lo
The Plain Truth
at the
address nearest you.
35