Basic HTML Version
Why does the honeymoon end so suddenly for many couples? Why do so many married partners
simply "coexist" in the same house, but without the deep fulfillment they desire?
by
Roderick C. Meredith
Neglected Keys
to a
H
er eyes ftooded with tears,
the woman before me be–
gan to shake and sob.
Bending over with her face
in her hands, she quietly moaned as
she cried- finally catching herself,
sitting upright and wiping her eyes.
"I have always realized how empty
my marriage was," she blurted out.
"But hearing you describe in your
talk today a bout what marriage
ought to be like makes me realize I've
just got to do better in my mar–
riage!"
"What's wrong?" I inquired, ask–
ing the question in severa! different
ways.
The Cause of Utter Despair
There were, of course, a number of
things wrong. But the deepest and
most pathetic problem had nothing
todo with sex, money or other widely
publicized stumbling blocks toa hap–
py marriage.
"My husband just won't talk to
me," she said again and again. " 1 am
lonely and frustrated. 1 don't even
really know the man 1 married. I fe.el
like I'm living with a stranger."
This case is typical of li terally mil–
lions of marriages. Often, at least one
of the partners
thinks
that they com–
municate. But the other partner, nor–
mally the woman, knows that they do
not and feels alone and frustrated.
She senses that she and her husband
are simply coexisting in the same
house. They do not necessarily fight
and hurt each other physically or
The
PLAIN TRUTH August 1979
even verbally. But there is not the
openness, the closeness, the total
sharing of two lives, the !ove that
there should be.
One authority on the subject
quoted a woman discussing her ten–
year-old marriage: "It's heartbreak–
ing. Before I was married, I used to
go out to restaurants and just by
looking around the room I could tell
who wás married and who wasn't.
Either the married couples were eat–
ing in dead silence, or the woman was
gabbling away while the roan ate arid
pretended she wasn't there.
1
swore
that this would never happen tome–
but it has."
Why such cases as the above?
Why don't husbands and wives, of a ll
people, communicate more fully to
one another?
Hindrances to Total Sharing
Newly marrieds often work hard at
learning and adj usting to each
other's altitudes and preferences.
They take pleasure in exchanging
opinions on almost everything. After
a few months, however, the opinions
are all exchanged, the attitudes
seemingly understood and the inter–
est and excitement of "getting to
know you" is over.
As the marriage continues and
children come along, the wife's inter–
est and talk is increasingly about her
children and a myriad of domestic
details which usually hold little or no
interest for the husband. The couple
often take for granted each other's
attitudes on certain topics rather
than even bothering to discuss
them.
Most husbands care to hear only
good news about their children, and
are either irritated or bored if the
wife confides in them the detailed
problems involved in rearing their
family. Wives usually miss their hus–
bands most when the children are
small. Having no adult in the house
to talk to all day, such wives feel an
urgent necessity to talk with their
spouse at night. But many husbands
retreat behind their paper or quietly
turn on the TV rather than endure
what they feel is a boring rehash of
household frustrations.
All of this sounds very natural and
normal. Do you see anything
wrong
with it?
Perhaps not.
And the reason is because we have
fai led utterly in our modern society
to teach the real purpose and mean–
ing of marriage.
What Marriage Ought to Mean
A few years ago a popular and beau–
tiful song expressed the thought "No
man is an island."
That is exactly right.
Man wi thout a mate, man without
a life partner, is incomplete. Al–
though many individuals-whether
thróugh necessity, ignorance or
choice-go through life deprived of
this relationship, their lives lack a
vital element.
In the beginning of the Bible God
33