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a lot of women were to verbalize
their innermost feelings, they might
echo that saying. For while many
realize that motherhood and child
rearing is the most important voca–
tion in the world, others seem to
tacitly relegate that occupation to
the bottom of the heap. In our so–
ciety the absence of financia! remu–
neration-in the form of a
paycheck-is often associated with
the relative unimportance of the ac–
tivity. Unsalaried housewives often
"don't get no respect" in spite of the
nobility of their occupation.
A Loss of Self-Respect
Many women feel that they are "out
of a job"-useless to society because
they no longer perform a truly re–
spected function. As Dr. Willard
Gaylin writes, such a loss of self–
respect is extremely depressing:
"Since self-love and self-respect are
such essential ingredients of human
functioning, their absence threatens
our survival. When individuals feel
unloved, unwanted, and unworthy
they may slip into depression, that
most dangerous of psychological
states" ("Caring Makes the Differ–
ence,"
Psychology Today,
August
1976).
Gaylin goes on to say that "de–
pression can be precipitated by the
loss or removal of
anything
that we
overvalue in terms of our own secu–
rity. To the degree that our sense of
worth or security is dependent on
!ove, money, social position, power
or drugs- to that extent we will be
threatened by its loss. When our re–
liance is so preponderant, the ab–
sence becomes so threatening that
we despair of our survival. That is
tbe despair we call depression."
Woman's formerly vital-to-sur-:
viva! role as homemaker has dimin–
ished in status in recent decades, and
tbe diminution ofa respected female
role or social position has brought on
a widespread tendency toward de–
spair for many. In a rapidly changing
society such as ours, many women are
caught in a terrible bind, and even
those wbo aren't obviously affected
may feel a certain uneasiness as to
where they stand.
Dr. Phyllis Chesler, author of
Women and Madness,
says she be–
lieves "women [receive disapproval)
whether they fully accept ... or vio-
12
Many mothers desperately
need to be told that
they are performing a
function necessary to the
survival of our
society.
lently reject . . . their traditional
place in society."
She describes their role as being
"self-sacrificing, altruistic-but with
án altruism borne of low self-es–
teem-eternally guilty..... Women
are 'crazy' whether they act out their
devalued female role or reject their
sex roles. If a woman fully acts out
the housewife role, she is considered
'silly' and often slumps into a deep
depression and many attempt sui–
cide." But Dr. Chesler also notes
that women who drastically reject
that basic role are considered ag–
gressive, threatening and less than
feminine.
Respecting Human Dignity
Willard Gaylin further describes the
female plight: "A society that treats
any serious segment of its popu–
lation, whether blacks, women, or
youth, with distaste or disrespect,
runs the risk of convincing that
group of its own inadequacy....
When we feel 'not acceptable' into
the symbolic family of a majority
society, when we are made to feel
like sorne alien 'other,' we tend to
see those privileged and secure rep–
resentatives of that society, if not
the society itself, as alien and hos–
tile. This deprivation may be toler–
able if there is sorne pathway to
privilege and approval, regardless of
how tortuous and difficult. When
the path is barred, however, or so
obscured that it seems not present,
despair can ensue.... It can lead to
the destruction of self vía drugs or
the destruction of others through
the rage of impotence and frustra–
tion"
(op. cit.).
Dr. Jessie Bernard, American so–
ciologist, a leading expert in the
field of family relations, and author
of the book
The Future ofMarriage,
adds her observation: "The charac-
tenstlc illness of married women
today is depression. It has become
almost their natural state."
But as we have read, it's not just
"being a housewife" that brings
about depression in women. lt's
doing a job that "don' t get no re–
spect."
A lot of mothers desperately need
encouragement-need to know that
even though they're doing a job that
our society frequently fails to appre–
ciate, they are performing a func–
tion necessary to the stability and
even the survival of that society.
Assert Yourself
But how can a woman (or anybody
who is depressed) banish the feel–
ings of inadequacy she is bound to
have at one time or another?
One new strategy for self-respect
that has been written and talked
about a great deallately is
assertion
or assertiveness therapy. (Assertive–
ness does
not
mean aggressiveness.)
A plethora of books and magazine
articles dealing with the subj ect is
available (see the article on page 14
in this issue, "What Does
1t
Mean
To Turn the Other Cheek?").
Dr. Herbert Fensterheim, assis–
tant professor of psychiatry at New
York Medica) College, defines asser–
tion. as being open, direct, honest
and
appropriate
about what you feel
and think. He says that "when you
don't assert yourself, you eventually
lose control of your life, tend to get
moody, depressed, and are given to
outbursts of anger."
Many women in our society have
been conditioned to be unassertive,
chameleonlike, manipulative, and
generally dishonest with themselves
and others in expressing what they
feel about how they are treated. To
use a minority analogy , they
"shuf:lle" around those who have
greater power or social position.
They may feel anger al having to
act this way to cope, but such anger
is carefully hidden and perhaps
never exposed.
That anger boils and bubbles un–
derneath until it emerges as a psy–
chosomatic symptom of sorne sort,
or depression. (For more on how
emotions can affect your health,
write for the free booklet
Principies
of Healthful Living.)
Dr. Helen A.
DeRosis and Victoria Pellegrino
The
PLAIN TRUTH
January
1978