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K
ids are tbe most hon est people
in the wor ld. T hey've got
no th ing to hid e, and they
tend to think nobody else does ei–
ther. Tha t delightful misconception
oft en ca used considerable embar–
rassment for the parents of children
who a ppeared on my "House Party"
show. The kids I interviewed were
never promp1ed or told what to say
before the te lecas t. They didn' t have
to be.
J
just asked simpl e quest ions
- usually a bout their life at home –
and the kids respond ed wi th facts
which they seemed generally to
view as t rue, bu t d ull. Wh en these
m at ter-of- fact d esc riptio ns of
mommy's and daddy's beha vior re–
cei ved adult interpreta tion, the re–
sul t was oft en sidesplit ting. "House
Party" audi ences fr equent ly spent
as much t ime roll ing in the a isles as
th ey did sitt ing in their sea ts.
Sex. being a subj ect which most
of my young guests knew little or
no th ing about, frequently lent itself
to this sort of double entendre hu–
mor. They didn't know what sex
was, so of course they di d n' t know
when they we re la lking about it or
referring to it, or tha t ma ny people
conside red it a n awkward and em–
ba rrassing topic of conve rsa ti on.
The audience, on th e other hand,
was famili ar no t only with sex but
a lso with society's taboos on the
subject - especially on nationa l
te levis ion! l think people la ughed
not because the kids were funny the
way a stand-up comedia n is fun ny.
but because their candor was en–
tire ly disarm in g a nd re freshing.
Here a re a few of my favorite exam–
ples of kids shooti ng straight from
the hip and bringing the "House
Pa rty" house down:
One day
1
ask ed a young lady of
about five to tell us what her mother
d id for fun.
"She plays gol f," she repli ed,
"with a strange man."
" A stra nge man?"
1
echoed .
"Don' t you know who he is?"
She shook her head. "Nobody
knows who he is," she said da rkly.
"Any other news?" I thought
T
had better change the subject.
"Well ," she sa id, "mamma 's go–
ing to have a ba by, but no one
knows why."
A few days la ter
T
tried the same
q uest ion on a young man of seven.
16
"Wha l does your dad do for fun?"
I asked him, whil e millions watched
and listened.
"Well. " he sa id a bit sadly, " he
used to li ke hunting and fishing, bu t
now he's just interested in indoor
sports."
"Wh at sort of indoor sports?"
1
inquired .
"T
don' t know," b e said. "He al–
ways locks the door."
I asked ano ther young ma n who
was a bout age s ix wha t his daddy
did for fun.
"He sleeps on the porch," he sa id .
'
1
Why is tha t?"
l
wanted to know.
" Because mamma keeps thrash-
ing a ro und in bed all night, and he
can' t have any fun there at a ll! "
Sooner or later, kids who don't
know abou t sex are going to become
ad ul ts who do. Since we'r e the ones
who are likely 10 be p ass ing on the
informa tion to them, maybe it's
wo rlh devoting sorne thought 10
how to go about it. There a re as
ma ny schools of thought concerning
how a nd wha t to te ll your child ren
a bout sex as there are psychologists.
I expect my readers already know
the ' 'wha t" part, so J'll do a little
ta lking a bout " how."
l'rn no expert, and you'd be we ll
advised ro take wha t I say with at
leas! one gra i.n of sal t. On the other
ha nd , [ don't hones1ly fee l as
humble as I'm trying to sound. After
all, my opinion has been sha ped by
pe rsona l conversati ons with thou–
sands of kids. That should prove
1
know something a bout ch ildren. As
for sex, suffice it to say tha t I've
never been troubled by the nagging
fee ling that there was something I
didn't know - nothing too impor–
ta n! anyway.
How Kids Find Out About Sex
I proba bly don't need to tell you
lha t kids are not a ll alike. The more
int roverted, sby ones may never ask,
"Wh ere did
1
come from?" or "How
did you make me?" They p refer the
method of deductive reasoning to
direct interroga tion. Whether he
asks his p aren ts or no t,
1
don't thi nk
there's a ny way for a child today to
arrive a t age twelve without at Jeast
a sketchy idea of the biological ac–
tivity which precipitated his concep–
tion and birth. There are plenty of
ways to fi nd out short of asking:
ove rh eard co n ve r sa t io n s. di s–
cussions with better informed sib–
lings or friends, and sex educa tion
classes, to name a few. Nowadays,
too, most people have a t least one
sex ma nual in their libra ry which a
curious child can browse throug li
unobserved . A lo t of paperback fic–
tion pretty much tells the whole
story, and even ma ny PG-r ated
films don' t leave much to the imagi–
na tion.
As loving parents, we would a ll
Like Lo con trol every bit of stimuli to
which our children a re exposed and
censor anythi ng which might hurt
them or a ffect them adversely in any
way. Wecan' t do tha t.
At this point, I have no evidence
to prove whether it's bet ter
in
the
long run for a kid to learn a bout sex
in
the street or in his own living
room on his daddy's knee. lf you're
sure you dislike the idea of your
child hea ring a bout sex from any–
one but you or your spouse, why not
volunteer the information?
There are seve ra] distinct advan–
tages to this approach : You won't
be ca ught unprepared by a tug on
the sleeve and a pointed question
from a n upturned face while the
boss a nd his wife are over for din–
ner. Choosing to tell your child the
facts of life ra ther tha n waiting to be
asked automa ticaUy deli vers you
from the defensive position which
can result in prolonged stuttering.
Playi ng in the o tfensive pos it ion,
yo u can decide th e time a nd place,
and even discuss the ga rue plan with
you r spouse beforehand if the con–
fro nta tion is Lo be a team effort.
Sex ls Funny
No matter who he or she hears it
from the first time, sex is going to
sound more ridiculous th an sublime.
It's no t until sometime after he has
absorbed the shock of the stark bio–
logical fac ts that a child can begin to
view the sex act as po tent ia lly plea–
sura ble as well as mysterious and
beau tiful.
I lhink it's a waste of energy to
insist tha t sex is
beautiful
to an
eight-year-old boy who has just
hea rd for the first time how his par–
en ts conceived him. He's j ust not
going to believe you. Roses are
bea utiful , freshly fallen snow is
beautiful, sunsets and full moons
The
PLAIN TRUTH October 1976