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Practica] points in ha nd ling
ti–
na nces include first o f a ll communi–
ca ti on of needs, accompanied by a
willingness to share. Once again this
means having outgoing concern for
th e o ther ma te.
One primary cons id eration in–
vo lves the setting up of a family
budget. This encourages communi–
cation, consider ation of both part–
ners' needs, and agreement on
priori ti es.
The main principies of budgeting
include paying necessities first,
avoiding excessive credít purchases,
and - an important factor for mari–
ta l happ in ess - allowing each part–
ner pocket money for wh ich he or
she is no t accountable to the other.
Many women complai n they can
never buy the least ítem for them–
selves or their children without an
acco untin g to th eir hu s band s.
Meanwhile, hubby stops to buy
snacks, drinks, or trinkets whenever
he likes. Of course, there are a lso
wives who want to spend freely aod
at the same time expect tbeir hus–
bands to account for every penny.
Who should manage the
ti–
nances? This is the crux of most fi–
na ncia! arguments. The husband
should probably take the lead in set–
ting up the budget. Depending on
the circumstances, a wife might
keep the records and pay the bilis.
Organization and individual d uties
wi ll vary with each family. There is
no set pattern. But , whatever is
done , it should be done together.
Sbar ing f1oancial d uties prometes
family harmony. It builds stronger
family ties in every way.
It
doesn't
matter which person st ubs the
checks o r pays the clerk if they botb
communicate a nd coopera te.
Sorne men dress in the latest
styles, whi le keeping their wives in
shabby out-of-style clo thing. This is
not financia! responsibility or com–
patibility. lf the wife has expensive
tastes for furnishings, home, cloth–
ing, and transportation, and the
husband makes only half as much
money as s he wa nts, th is is not fi–
nancia! compa tibility. Both need to
give in. Both should learo to do
without luxuries until the husband
has wo rked hard enough and long.
eno ugh to earn them. And the hus–
band should study and work hard in
his occupa tion so he can advance
The
PLAIN TRUTH June 1976
financially. As children become less
dependen! upon Mom, perhaps she
will choose to work or resume a ca–
reer as well.
In our rap idly changing economy,
one more financia! consideration is
important. As Dr. Popenoe says,
"Handli ng the fina nces should be
reviewed regularly, in the light of
changing conditions and the changing
needs ofhome and family.' ' Be aware
of financia! news enough to know
when to buy a home, a car , children 's
clo thes, etc. Study the cost of li ving
(an d th e cost of borrowi ng). and
counse l widely before making majar
purchases or budget cha nges.
Finances are a very important
su bject for eve ry household in this
affiuent society. For more informa–
tion, write for our free booklet,
Managing Your Personal Finances.
V. Allow For Differences
Men and women are different in lit–
erally every cell of their bodies (d ue
to maJe and female chromosomes).
d ifferenl in height, weigh t, figure ,
skeletal s t ructure, metabolism,
st rength , sorne interna] organs, abiJ–
ity to bear children - and tempe ra–
meo !!
lt
i s not a matter of
s uperiority or inferiority in any of
those fields, but a matter of d iffer–
ence. The wise married couple
lea rns how to appreciate and enjoy
these differences.
A much-misunderstood book by
Gcorge and Nena O'Neill expl a ins
how to make t he most out of these
inherent differences, while building
a firmer aod more devoted pa rt ner–
ship. They called it
Open Marriage.
Basically, open marriage gr ants
each partner a degree of indepen–
dence wit hin the marriage unit.
Each ma te gives his part ner the
freedom to pursue his or her own
prívate interests - jobs, hobbies,
friends, and even finances when
necessary - independen t of the
other's control. A mate is not treated
as a "possession," with the accom–
panying mist rust, jcalousy, inequal–
ity , or ro le playing. lnstead , each
partner grants mutual trust, equal–
ity , pe rsonal privacy, identity, and
full "personhood" to the other.
The authors of
Open Marriage
do
not advoca te extrama rital " li ving to–
gether," divorce, or communalmar–
riage. They believe in the merits of
the marriage, home. a nd fami ly, but
mor e as a un it for persona l ex–
pression than as a regimented role–
playing prison.
In such a marriage, the wife wi ll
grow to respect her husband mucb
more t han in a "closed" o r oppres–
sive marriage, a nd gradually she
may voluntarily submit part of her
freed om to him, joyfully, not out of
fear of him or his legalistic due.
Even in a troubled marriage, the
mates may again learn respect and
love for each other because they are
once again exhibit ing the unique in–
div iduality that first attracted one to
the othe r befare they were engaged.
In effect, the couple may return to
the heady days of their courts hip
and romance, ra ther than thc duli
days of sameness which can kill the
greatest of romances.
A few years ago a su rvey of 622
urban housewives revealed that they
considered their roles to be mother,
homemaker, and wife - in that or–
dcr.
J
n fac t, a third of the women
never even mentioned their roles as
wives, the only role of the three to
which they vowed
" f
do" years ea r–
lie r. A properly "open" marriage -
where each mate has opportunity to
rea lize his full poten tial - can help
reverse thal trend .
Your Marriage Can Be Happy
A st rong family unil truly is the
bui lding block of a g reat nation. "A
strong monogamous family and the
highest culture" have historically al–
ways gone LOgether, acco rding to
Dr. Popenoe. " ... if one deterio–
ra ted , so did the other !"
If every couple practiced these
five points, the ascending divorce
ra te wou ld immed iately begin to de–
cline, a nd perhaps almost vanis h.
ft is gratifying to know tha t thou–
sands of formerly unhappy mar–
riages have been revived a nd
enriched when the points discussed
in th is article have been faithfully
and thorough ly applied.
o
Aff!VOW..
TO KEEP YOUR NEW
PLAIN TRUTH
COMING
SEE PAGES 22-23
27