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FIVE
WAYS TO
ENRICH
YOUR
MARRIAGE
by
Gary Alexander
Why unhappy marriages? Why
divorce, desertion, and
marital unhappiness alter a
young couple exchange vows
of "to /ove until death do us
part" ? Here are five practica/
steps you can take to be one
of a shrinking minority - the
happily married couple.
The
PLAIN TRUTH
June
1976
D
ivorce lawyers, marriage
counselors, and sociologists
usually list three to seven ma–
jor problem areas in a marriage.
Here is a discussion of the fi ve mos t
prominent ones.
By reversing the major, under–
lying problem in each area, you will
be attacking the root cause of most
marriage problems.
l.
Learn to Communicate
Marriage counselors list
communica–
tion
a t the very top of needed mar–
riage skills. One divorce lawyer
went so far as to say:
" lt
has been
my experience th at in at least 90
percent o f a lJ divorce cases, the rea–
son for the termination of th e mar–
riage. if it had to be resolved in one
phrase, would be 'lack of communi–
cation.'"
Hugo A. Bordeaux, executive di–
rector of thc Marri age Counseling
Serv ice, Baltimore, Maryland , said:
"All over Ameri ca, h usbands and
wives cannot talk to each other.
This, l am convinced. is our
Number
One marriage problem .
... "
But why this gulf bc tween a hus–
band and wife who talked
before
they were married and, chances are,
for months
after
they married? l s
there nothing le ft to ta lk about?
No . th a t
isn
'r
the problem.
The real difficulty is neglect. The
husband no longer seems interested
in the wife and vice versa . The hus–
band may be more engrossed in his
favori te TV prograrn. hobby or job.
How can this be overcome? Only in
one way. Bo th husband and wife
must lea rn how lo show true !ove
a nd concern for each oth er.
Genuine !ove is outgoing concern.
It is pointed away from self. It is a
des ire to help, to serve, to give to the
one who is the obj ect of tha t !ove.
And no one ever "just happened" to
give
his li fe away or share his time,
labor, thoughts, cares, hopes. and
dreams with anot her human being.
It
takes
work.
For you, step number one could
well be to turn off that television set
each ni ght (or limit viewing to a n
hour or so each evening). Take time
to d iscuss the day's activities. "sma ll
ta lk" along with the importan t de–
ve lopments. Bring the who le fam ily
into t he discuss ion.
Communica tion is
not
just quiet
discussion in st il ted circumstances.
Tt
begins thc moment you wake up,
a nd it lasts a ll through the day. Hus–
ba nds, ca l! your wife from the office
if
possible. Take her for a walk.
Don 't be afraid to pitch i n with
household chores when the need
arises. Spend an evening reading to–
gether. Comment to each ot her on
what you're learn ing. Say "1 !ove
yo u." Each one of these is unselfi sh
communication at its best. In short,
!ove one another.
11. Build Compatibility and
Companionship
" But we're not compa tible," answer
mil lions of unhappy couples. "We
just don' t have anything in com–
mon."
Chances a re, before they were
married. most couples thought they
bad every thing in common. Never
were two people so idea lly matched,
most couples thought. Bu t why the
idea now that they a r e in–
compat ible?
"Incompa tible" is probably the
most frequently mentioned but least
unders tood of all terms regard ing
marriage problems. Of cou rse, no
two persons are perfectly com–
patible or wholly incom patible.
O n ly by living wit h a person do you
learn his or her habits a nd pecu liar–
ities . Compatibility is not a birth–
right, bu t an adjus tm ent. T he
greates t adjustment is to exp a nd
yo ur own way of lite to include an–
o ther 's way o f life. Too many men
and women wan t the other party to
do all the adj ust ing.
Compati bil ity is a process that
grows. T he degree to which a coup le
increase their compat ibility is the
degree to wh ich their marriage will
become rewarding.
Jf you rea lly feel you have noth–
ing in common, make a list of all
enjoyable things that you have done
or haven' t done but you wish you
cou ld . List between lOand 25 items.
Ask your spouse to do the sarne
thing, separa tely. When you have
bo th completed this, compare lists.
In most cases there wi ll be at least
one common point of interest be–
tween you - probably severa !. Use
tha t activi ty as a bui ld ing block for
do ing things together.
T he mo re a coupie thi nk and do
together, t he more compa tible they
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