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come, has no backbone, dislikes go–
ing out with the wife, pays attention
to other women.
These are the complaints hus–
bands had against their wives: nags,
not affectionate, selfish and incon–
siderate, complains too much, slov–
enly in appearance , quick–
tempered, interferes with husband's
discipline, feelings too easily hurt,
criticizes, narrow-minded, neglects
the children, a poor housekeeper,
argumentative, has annoying habits,
interferes in husband's business,
spoíls the children, poor manager of
income, emotional, jealous, lazy,
gossips indiscreetly.
Other studies indicate that lack of
communication is a complaint that
may supersede most others. Open
communication between husband
and wife is a must. A willingness to
talk things over could iron out many
of the complaints wives and hus–
bands have against each other. How
else can problems be solved if
they're not brought into the open
and aired in an intelligent, tactful
manner? Critica!, too, is the willing–
ness of each mate to open-mindedly
listen to the other.
What do all of these complaints
have to do with unrealistic ex–
pectations of marriage? Simply that
they give a realistic picture of what
to expect in marriage. Every human
being has faults and problems. Not
one of us is perfect. All those think–
ing about marriage, and those who
are already married, should realize
that a future or present mate is just
not perfect.
One of the main reasons why
sorne second marriages may be far
happier than a first marriage -
though generally the divorce rate
climbs wíth successive marriages -
is that those marrying for the second
time are older and wiser, maritally
speaking. They know marriage takes
work and tolerance. Living day in
and day out with a marital partner
is not the same as the romanticism
portrayed in many stories. They un–
derstand that the mate is not perfect.
Most important of all, they know
they have short-comings too.
10
Marriage takes sacrifice and giv–
ing. It takes a 100 percent effort in
giving on the part of both the hus–
band and the wife. This is true love.
A well-known American psychiatrist
explained: "When the satisfaction
or the security of another person be–
comes as significant to one as if
one's own satisfaction and security,
then the state of love exists"
(Con–
ceptions of Modern Psychiatry,
Harry Stack Sullivan, pp.
42-43).
W hy lnfidelity Harms
M arriage
Another major cause of marital
breakup and unhappiness is infidel–
ity.
We live in an age often referred
to as the "new morality." Group
marriages, swinging, threesomes,
foursomes, and sex any way, is in.
Whatever sexual imaginations the
mind can conjure up have become
chic and accepted. Sorne social sci–
entists favor this new attitude. Sorne
go so far as to say that extramarital
sex can put life back into an other–
wise dull marriage and make that
marriage happier and more fulfill–
ing.
Said·one author who favors extra–
marital sex: "Evidence cited in the
book suggests that, for the most
part, they [those who indulge in ex–
tramarital sex] are healthy, well-ad–
justed, responsible, and productive
people and, more often than not,
they have reasonably good or very
good marriages as we define .a good
marriage."
Superficially, this sounds in–
triguing. Facts, however, do not
bear this out. Extramarital sex. is di–
sastrous to a marriage whether or
not a couple mutually agrees to it.
In Japan, one of the major rea–
sons listed for divorce is infidelity.
In Sweden, a country often thought
of as symbolic of a sexually free
society, infidelity is a leading cause
of divorce. In all major countries of
the world, infidelity is a major cause
of divorce!
Swinging may seem sensually
scintillating and
thri~ng
for awhile,
but according to couples involved, it
doesn't stay that way. l t soon be–
comes old hat. The thrill subsides.
Normal sex relations between a
marital couple are never the same
afterwards.
William J. Linehan, assistant di–
rector of the Family Counseling
Service, Conciliation Court, Supe–
rior Court of the County of Los An–
geles, is a recognize<;l marriage
counseling authority. He has coun–
seled hundreds of troubled mar–
riages. In an exclusive
PLAIN
TRUTH
interview, marriage counselor Line–
han was asked if swinging and ex–
tramarital sex relations can help
make a marriage happy and keep a
marriage stable. His answer: "We
get the aftermaths of the swinger
clubs in here. I don't think 1 could
disagree more. It's pretty deadly to a
marriage. As far as keeping a mar–
riage stable, I don't think anything
could be deadlier, either. A critica!
part of marriage is the relationship
between two people. When you start
making it three and four, that's a
pretty complicated relationship."
The M ajor Cause of
M odern Divorce
One author touched on another
cause of modero divorce when he
said, "To take the marriage step
witb the feeling that we shall stay
married as long as we are happy
together is the first move toward di–
saster." The very idea that we can
always get a divorce "if it doesn't
work out" cripples a marriage from
the beginning. Couples with this at–
titude are less willing to work at
overcoming a marital difficulty. The
least problem might be all it takes to
split them up.
But the major cause of modero
divorce is not just the idea that "if it
doesn' t work out" we can always
divorce. The underlying cause has
to do with not understanding where
marriages carne from and why we
have marriage in the first place.
The basic cause of divorce is not
knowing, not understanding, and
not believing tbat marriage
is
God–
ordained for life. If this knowledge
were taught and believed, there
PLAIN TRUTH May 1974