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(an attitude which needs the father's
support and understanding.) She
encouraged her child's explorations
by having a variety of toys and ma–
terials available for him to inspect
and explore. Ra rely did she confine
her child to a playpen for more than
very brief periods.
An "A" mother was also more in–
clined to allow her child activities
which might involve slight safety
risks, rather than overprotect and
interfere with his development.
Carefully a rrangíng the borne to
keep valuables and dangers out of
reach undoubtedly did much to
make this policy practica!.
In contrast, keeping the kids "out
of my hai r" was a very common at–
titude among the "C" mothers.
Many of their children spent large
blocks of time in playpens, confined
by gates or in front of the television.
These tactics seemed to discourage
the child's curiosity and enthusiasm
for learning, and to effectively close
out a great deal of contact between
the child and his mother.
"C" mothers who didn't confine
their children often hovered over
them, placing everything interesting
"off limits," drowning them in a
chorus of"no's."
The "C" children a lso had more
between-mea l snacks than the "A"
chi l dren. Often , these snacks
seemed to be a means of expressing
love, but they lacked the mental
stimulation of the games and talk
preferred by excellent mothers. At
other times, snacks were used to pa–
cify the child without taking the
time to discover his real interests or
needs.
Acquiring Basic Social
Style
A third chaUenge also occurred
shortly after age one. It was about
this time that the babies began to
reveal a growing sense of individ–
uality and a blossoming of person–
ality. The most distressing aspect
usually appeared around the 15th
month and !asted for ·about six
24
months. It was the tendency toward
negativism.
Much of the time, the children
seemed to be testíng their bounds -
discovering what behavior was ac–
ceptable and what was not. "No"
took on the dimensions of a fad for
many of the toddlers. A refusal to
cooperate was, in sorne cases, more
common than agreement.
While "A" children were not im–
mune from sorne negativism, their
mothers seemed to possess skills
which helped the children overcome
the "no's" and develop a basically
posit ive, cooperative attitude. For
one thing, the competent mother
did not impose her interests on her
children. She demonstrated things
to them, or made suggestions in
keeping with the child's current in–
terest, but the child instigated most
of these exchanges. This approach
seemed to avoid unnecessary resis–
tance.
Second, though she usually en–
couraged her child's explorations,
the competent mother also prohib–
ited sorne activities, and did so con–
sistently and firmly. On the other
hand, one of the most common mis–
takes made by the ineffective moth–
ers was the failure to set limits for
their children.
Other psychologists have pointed
out that although children
~ t
this
age test their parents, they are quick
to accept decisions if the parent is
firm. When the rules are sure and
enforced, they easily learn to obey
and cooperate.
But if parents are not definite and
consistent, the child will push fur–
ther and furthe r, and learn that bel–
ligerence seems ultimately to pay
off.
Failure to help tbe child over–
come negativism and uncoopera–
tiveness at this age leads to
quarrelsome and frustrating situ–
a tions whicb are hard on both par–
ent and child. It hampers not only
the child's social growth, but a lso his
skills.
Dr. White and his observ ers
found that, along with this growing
sense of individuality, "The child
d uring the second year of life seems
to be learning a great deal about his
mother and her reactions. He stud–
ies her and approaches her often
during this period and seems to de–
velop a very strong attachment to
her."
As a result. the mother's reactions
to both negativism and the child's
approaches to her largely appear to
shape the infant's view of himself
and his " basic orientation toward
people in general." "He seems to be
acq uiring his basic style as a social
(person]...."
The Evident Results
Virtually all of the successful moth–
ers seemed to derive a great deal of
pleasure from their children at this
age. They were hlghly interested
in
their children, including the chil–
dren's activities and interests. The
effective mothers were happy to have
their children play near them, de–
spite the interruptions this led to.
They did not resent stopping to help
their children, responding to their
requests or expressing approval aod
enthusiasm in their accomplish–
ments.
When the child's request carne at
a truly inconvenient moment, these
mothers would tell the child to wait
- that she, too, had her rights and
was busy just tben. Even in this , the
children seemed to be Jearning self–
control and patience.
For example, the observers re–
corded this a bout the busy and
energetic mother of one "A" child:
"She is easily available to him and
is often heard answering bis ques–
tions or explaining something to
him."
Of her son they wrote: ' 'The most
striking features of his behavior are
his social maturity, his remarkable
poise for a two-year-old, and his
outstanding use of expressive lan–
guage, including clear articulation
and easy handling of compound
and complex sentences." They de-
PLAIN TRUTH Februory 1973