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then they both
know
each probably did
so with the previous steady - and
might do so with someone else after
marriage. This situation naturally ere–
ates apprehension or hostility and can
wreck an otherwise enjoyable sex life
within marriage.
lt
may even wreck the
marriage.
5 . Marrying to
Escape
Problems
Many couples marry because of the
"problem pregnancy." Others marry to
escape and solve other difficulties. Susan
married to escape school and her par–
ents. Many teen-agers marry to escape
an unhappy home or to solve their emo–
tional hangups.
Sociologist Mirra Komarovsky, in
discussing this reason for early mar–
riage, cited the case of one embittered
wife who explained that one reason she
married at sixteen was to get away from
home because there were "constant
squabbles and hollering" during her
childhood. Tbough her parents even–
tually separated, she commented bitterly,
"They would teU us kids that they
stayed togetber 'for our sakes.' That
made us feel real good.'' In condusion
she said, "l got married to get away
from it all , but
1
got out of the frying
pan into the fue"
(Bltte Collar Mar–
riage,
1967,
p.
25, 26).
Marriage does not necessarily solve
an individual's problems. Marriage may
magnify one's existing difficulties, or
multiply them by combining them with
the mate's problems. This is especially
dangerous when personal, emotional
difficulties are involved. Since even the
most successful marriage involves a
period of adjustment, how much hope
is there for two immature individuals
with emotional headaches?
6 .
The Couple Did
Not Really Know
Each Other
When the above problems are tied to
a dating pattern which does not allow
the two individuals to really get to
The
PLAIN TRUTH
know each other, the chances for success
are further diminished.
Before contemplating marriage, a
couple should be able to answer some
of the following questions: Do we have
similar educational backgrounds
?
Are
we relatively equal mentally? Do we
share similar values, religion, beliefs,
aspirations and goals? Do we both want
children? Do we agree on how money
should be spent? Can we be open and
frank with each other? Are we in good
health? Are we relatively stable emo–
tionally? WiU our social backgrounds
be compatible?
The answers to these questions can
come only through an effective courtship
pattern. This in itself takes time,
thought and proper dating customs.
Necking in the back seat of an automo–
bile will not lead to this important
knowledge; but it may lead to an
unwanted baby.
If
two young people aspiring to mar–
riage have failed in reaching an under–
standing and application of the above
points, then they need to drastically re–
consider their plans for marriage.
7 . Lack of
Understanding of
Marriage Responsibílity
Marriage requires responsible and
mature love. Married love must be real–
istic in order to grow. A well-koown
American psycbiatrist said, "When the
satisfaction or the security of another
person becomes as significant to one as
if one's own satisfaction and security,
then the state of love exists
(Con–
ceptiom of Modern Psychiatry,
Harry
Stack Sullivan, p. 42, 43).
What is marriage really like and how
does it differ from dating - especially
dating as Americans know it?
In most dating situations, the boy
and girl are seeking enjoyment for
themselves.
There are few opportunities
to see marriage as it really is. Tragically,
the example of what marriage ought to
be
like is not readily available. Most
parents are themselves divorced, divorc–
ing, getting remarried or are
rmhappily
married.
Therefore, teen-agers all too often
have ooly a negative impression of mar-
February 1972
riage. No doubt, wheo they think about
it, they assurne tbat theirs will be hap–
pier. This attitude, coupled with little
opportunity to understand the respoosi–
bilities of true marriage - plus the pit–
fall of early rnarriage - makes success
a scant possibility.
All teen-agers planning to get mar–
ried should count on marriage as being
different from dating. Marriage has
rnany physical responsibilities - pro–
viding for tbe home, payíng bilis, tak–
íng care of infants, rearing children,
keeping the house, putting up with sick–
ness and setbacks.
Any couple planning marriage should
face tbese realities and candidly ask :
Are we ready for such responsibilities?
If
the answer is no, then marriage
should be postponed in order to prepare
rneotally and financially, and do the
other things necessary to fulfill tbe
needs of a potentially successful
rnarriage.
With this right knowledge about
what it takes to make a successful mar–
riage, plus the williogness to wait,
young people can save themselves many
years of unhappiness and rnísery.
No one marries because he or she
wants to be unhappy. People marry be–
cause they see visions of greater happi–
oess and satisfaction. Why marry too
young and have your dreams crushed in a
rnarriage that has little chance to suc–
ceed? Think and plan before you rnarry.
Be the master of your Jife, not a victin1
of chance. Avoid teen-age marríage and
avoíd a program for disaster.
O
ToMORRow's WoRLD
MAGAZINE
For those who would like help
in turning a dull rnarriage imo one
brírnful of happiness, please write
for a FREE year's subscription to
TOMORROW'S WORLD magazine,
published by Arnbassador College.
In the March issue is an article en–
titled, "Wake Up Your Marriage."
lt offers constructive guidance on
how
to
make a marriage work. See
staff box, inside front cover, for
the address nearest you.