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bewildermeot at the whole iocredible
mess I had created for myself.
"The weddiog ceremony seemed dis–
mal - devoid of the joy aod thrill one
expects of a blushiog bride. The hooey–
moon was plagued. It's impossible to
describe the utter fear and frustration
that
I
suffered during those first few
weeks of marriage.
I
discovered that
l
1·eally didn't know him.
Marriage
wasn't at all like
I
expected it would be.
Jnstead of solving my problems, mar–
riage only created new ones.
"Life became routine - so repugnant
to me that
I
couldn't believe it. We
lived in a drab apartment -no money,
no fun, no nothing. We barely sub–
sisted. On top of it all was my growing
fear of delivering the baby.
"Six weeks after our baby was born,
we separated.''
This was the traumatic aod sad story
of two teen-agers who thought they
were in lave, who thought marriage
would bring real happiness. Instead,
it
only created misery. Like more than
half of all teen-age marriages, theirs
ended in divorce.
This too-often-repeated story points
up the basic factors contributing to the
failure of teen-age marriages.
1 . Marrying at
too Early an
Age
What went wrong? The most ob·
vious factor was the age of the partners.
Of course, not all young marriages fail,
but an a!arming proportion do end up
on the rocks.
The statistics on young marriages
bear out the fact that people who marry
young are playing against a stacked
deck. A nationwide survey of
28,000
households by the U. S. Bureau of the
Census found that men who married in
their teens had a consistently high
probability of divorce. However, men
who married in their late twenties had
consistently low probabilities of divorce.
The survey also found that the meo
with the smallest probability of divorce
were those who married between 25 and
30 years of age, were college graduates
or had substantially good incomes.
The
PLAIN TRUTH
The same research revealed that
women who married befare the age of
20
were twice as likely to become di–
vorced than those who married later.
There are obvious reasons for this. Both
men and women need time to acquire
enough experience, education and ma–
turity befare assuming the responsi–
bilities of marriage.
2. 1nsufficient
Financial
Resources
If
a couple waits until at least their
mid-twenties to marry, they have time to
acquire sufficient
financia/
resources.
Love does not pay the bilis. But un–
paid bilis may destroy any love a couple
has. The November
1970
Journai of
Marriage and the Famiiy,
analyzing
research done in the
1960's
relevant to
marital happiness and stability, dis–
covered a positive relationship between
a husband's job income and marital
happiness.
Most people, contrary to Hollywood
sensationalization, do not marry for
money; they marry for wbat they
consider is lave. This is fine, but a
couple should definitely consider fi–
nances befare marriage vows are ex–
changed.
3. Marriage Based on
Sexual Attraction and
Romance
Unfortunately, many young couples
marry without knowing what real love
involves. In any successful marriage,
both romance and sexual attraction are
necessary. The point, however, is that
sexual attraction is not sufficient of itself
and does oot fulfill the coocept of lave.
Marriage based on sexual attraction
alone is a marriage with a weak founda–
tion at best. The couple must share deep
mutual respect and concern for each
other. This must be tempered with the
realities of marriage - of two human
beings with personal needs and inherent
differences - living as one.
February 1972
What is real love? The word
is
often
used today, but few really stop to con–
sider what it means. Love can be de–
fined as an unselfish concern that seeks
the good of the one loved.
But specifically what does it mean to
"be in love" - in relationship to sexual
and romantic attraction?
Let's make it plain what love is
NOT
by citing two extremes.
A
man may meet a woman who is so
sexually attractive that she makes him
think of just one thing - the desire to
get her into
his
arms and press her clase
to him in sensuous embrace. Tbe sight
of her makes him want to possess her.
No man should
EVER CONFUSE
that
attraction with love.
Then there is the opposite extreme.
A
man can know a woman whom he ad–
mires, respects very highly. He may
even enjoy her company - at least
occasionally. He dates her once in a
while,
brtt
he feels he would just as
soon put his arms around a cold iron
lamp post and try to embrace it. She is a
very fine person - he certainly holds
her in the highest respect and esteem -
but there is no physical attraction.
That is the other extreme - and
that
is
NOT
love, but merely respect.
What
Is
True
Love?
True !ove is
outgoi11g concern.
lt is not, necessarily, wholly out–
going, devoid of a normal and right
feeling of desire. Each marriage partner
must be physically attractive to the other
- but without arousing lust or inordi–
nate sexual desire. True !ove is that
union of mutual outgoing concern and
wholesome desirability for one another.
Pure !ove involves respect, admira–
tion, an unselfish concern for the happi–
ness and welfare for the other party,
COMBJNED
with complete compatibility
mentally, socially, culturally, plus com–
plete physical desirability. To the hus·
band, his wife should be attractive,
altogether
LOVELY
and physically desir–
able in a normal way that is
NOT
sen–
suous, and does not bring on thoughts
of
iust
instead of love.
He cares for her in a way he does not
for any other. He wants to be witb her
- in her company. She is the
ONE
he