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deal with others in a more positive
and beneficia! way.
Maybe a cbild accidentall y
knocks over a glass of sorne drink
(and who hasn't?). An uncaring
person might respond: "You care–
less kid. Watch what you're do–
ing!" What's so damaging about
such a statement is that we are
branding
a child with a characteris–
tic (carelessness) that may not be
true at all. Maybe the parents have
failed to set the table properly for
children, or have failed to train the
child to be more careful.
How much more belpful to qui–
etly say in sucb a situation, "Now
go get a sponge and clean it up.
And please do be more careful."
The child isn't branded as totally
inept; instead we express faith in
the child's ability to solve the prob–
lem and be more careful.
We're more apt to spout out
sorne curt or hurting words when
we' re tired or emotionally upset.
The chi ldren run up and shout,
"Read us a story!" Or a wife says,
"I need your help." Instead of a
harsh "No!" or "Don't bother me!"
say,
" 1
am exhausted and upset.
Please wait awhile first, OK?"
You've explained your feelings
without putting someone clown in
the process. And you have not closed
the door to positive help later.
Rather than responding to some–
one's mistake with a demeaning put–
down, we can show disapproval but
still be respectful by saying,
" 1
don't
like what you did." Be specific about
the situation. Don't label the person
with damaging names or shoot out a
clever put-down. You only create or
compound bad feelings, or another
problem.
The key to saying helpful rather
than harmful words to others is
always to show
respect.
Break the Cycle
If you've been guilty of expressing
demeaning, put-down statements to
March
1986
others, stop and ask yourself if you
would like them said to you. Of
course you wouldn't.
But if yoo now stop expressing
hurtful words to others there may
be sorne delay in favorable replies
to you. People you've offended
want to know if you've really
changed.
lt
may take time to heal
old wounds.
If
others respond with
cutting words, resist the tempta–
tion to retort.
Break the vicious cycle of care–
less put-downs. Show respect and
care for the feelings of others. In
time others will show more respect
and care for you.
"A soft answer turneth away
wrath: but grievous words stir up
anger" (Prov. 15:1). And, ..Heavi–
ness in the heart of man maketh it
stoop: but a good word maketh it
g lad" (Prov. 12:25). "He that
keepeth his mouth keepeth his
life ... " (Prov. 13:3).
What about you? Do your words
wound and hurt others? Or do they
help and
edify?
The uncontrolled tongue, said
the apostle James, "is an unruly
evil, full of deadly poison. There–
with bless we God ... and there–
with cu rse we men, which a re
made after the simi litude of God.
Out of the same mouth proceedeth
blessing and cursing. My brethren,
these things ought not so to be"
(Jas. 3:8-1 0).
Jesus Christ said: " ... for out of
the abundance of the heart the
mouth speaketh. A good man out
of the good treasure of the heart
bringeth forth good things [includ–
ing good words]: and an evil man
out of the evil treasure bringeth
forth evil things [including evil
words). But I say unto you, That
every idle word that men shall
speak, they shall give account
thereof in the day of judgment"
(Matt. 12:34-36).
Strive to make your words, words
that help - not
words that
hurt!
o