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Careless words do
enormous damage. But
you can root them out of
your vocabulary!
by
Donald D. Schroeder
''W
H AT'S
the matter
with you ?" "How
many times do I
have to tell
you ... ?" "The trouble with
you is ... !" "How dumb can
you be?!" "Can't you ever do
anything right?" "You
al–
ways
do that!" "You
never
...
!"
How often do we hear per–
sons demeaned- belit-
tled-by such careless and harmful
statements?
Or by these:
"If
you're so smart. ..." "AII
you ever do is ... !" "Why can't
you be like ... ?" "You look like
a...." "You'd forget your ... if it
wasn't ... !"
These and many similar put–
downs seem automatically to pop
out of many mouths-perhaps
yours-in some frustrating mo–
ment or difficulty with others.
Sarcasm, name-calling, put–
downs, accusations, sweeping nega–
t ive overstatements are all too com–
mon. Others do it. Perhaps we
learned to do it too. Maybe they
are such a habit, we don't even
realize their harmful impact.
What we're really saying is: "1
don't respect you. 1 don't care for
your feelings as a person. You're
below me!" The attitude behind
put-down, belittling words is
pride. It's human self-exalta–
tion!
Cutting, belittling words
and phrases need to be
rooted out of our lives.
Repeated often enough,
demeaning put-downs get
through the toughest skin
and cause anything from a
distorted sense
of shame to
blind rage.
Or mental
depression, mental illness or sui–
cide. "Death and life are in the
power of the tongue," warns Scrip–
ture (Prov. 18:21).
Parents to Children
Children too frequently bear the
brunt of put-down statements or
demeaning words from parents or
others. Such words turn some
youths into totally crushed, in–
warding-looking persons. They feel
worthless.
Other youths try to protect their
tender egos from the hurts of such
statements by hardening attitudes
of disrespect to adults or shout ing
more demeaning insults to other
children. The vicious cycle prolif–
erates.
The habit of saying, "You
a/–
ways
do something wrong!" or
"You'11
never
learn!" can turn an
able, talented chi ld into a youth or
adult of stunted intelligence and
achievement; an individual with lit–
tle confidence.
Dr. Selma Fraiber in her book
The Magic Years
says, "A child
needs to feel our disapproval at
times, but if our reaction is of such
strength that the child feels worth–
less and despised for his offense,
we have abused our powers as par–
ents and have created the possibil–
ity that exaggerated guilt feelings
and self-hatred will play a part in
this child ' s personality develop–
ment."
Words That Help
In your next aggravating situation,
instead of spurting out a harsh,
cutting or demeaning response to
someone, put a governor on your
mouth. Instead say: "Please...."
"Piease hold the door wider...."
Please be neater...." Please be
more carefu
l. ..."
Please let me
show you."
Please
is a word that helps us
show respect. It puts our minds in
a more constructive frame. We
The
PLAIN TRUTH