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Parenting
(Continued from page 18)
and is
sorry
for his or her miscon–
duct. In sorne nations this bíblica!
admonition is forbidden by law and
parents will have to conduct them–
selves judiciously.
Tben, after the worst of the cry–
ing subsides, take your cbíld
lov–
ingly
in your arms. Tell your child
you !ove him or her, that you had to
spank so that he would be a good
boy or that she would be a good
girl, and that you hope the child
will learn to do better and grow up
to be a fine, upri ght man or
woman.
When this is done correctly and
consistently, the child, about this
time, will be hugging you back,
realizing and agreeing that he or
she
needed
the spanking, and feel–
ing more secure in your !ove and
your genuine concern than before
the spanking. For you will have
broken through an emotional bar–
rier with your child by the kind of
proper discipline just descr ibed.
Somehow, after spankíngs are
done
in /ove,
children are enabled
to respond better to their parents in
a deep, trusting manner. They will
know from experience that wben
their youthful tensions and self-wi ll
are expressed in outward rebellion,
they get spanked.
But your c hild will see that
spankings are done
in /ove
and for
his or her good. That tensions lead–
ing to bad attitudes are actually
relieved by spanki ng and subse–
quent tears. And that you and your
child actually feel closer emotional–
ly after sharing this intimate, lov–
ing experience of helping a young
cbild get control of himself or her–
self and grow up.
As the properly reared cbild
grows into puberty and the teenage
years, spanking wi ll be done less
and less. Your ch ild wi ll be
grounded
early
in his or her life–
that you the parent are in charge,
that discipline must and will becar–
ried out for the child's good if
wrong attitudes or rebellious, dis–
respectful behavior occur.
Discipline can take
many
forms.
One of the most effective, especial–
ly for older children , is the
with–
holding of privi/eges.
Banning use
of television for a certain period,
January
19 85
for example, or withdrawing per–
mission to play with a friend, to go
to a movie or to use the family
automobile can be effective.
In most cases it is better to with–
draw privileges for relatively short
periods (a few days or a week or
two depending on the age of the
child). Long periods-especially
with young cbildren-are usuaJly
ineffective. Giving child r e n a
chance to have the privilege
reinstated by the correct behav-
ior can help underline the lesson
being learned.
Making a child of any age
realize the
consequences
of his
wrong action or attitude is a form
of punishment in itself. Suppose,
for example, a young boy throws a
rock and injures his little sister or
brother. The parent may then give
the offending child the opportunity
to "care for" the wound.
Make him sit beside the injured
child and bold a cold cloth against
the wound. Or have him administer
the adhesive bandage. Let him
"suffer" (see 1 Corinthians 12:26)
with
tbe injured child a Jittle, and
he will soon feel remorse over what
he has done!
Children must be made to real–
ize that wrong actions
hurt
other
people. Undesirable conduct is
such beca use it hurts everyone
involved-including those who per–
petrate it.
Remember, too, that any cor–
rection should fit the infract ion,
and that children vary in tempera–
ment and aptitude. Use wisdom
and discretion, and make sure all
disciplining is done out of proper
concern for the child.
Parents should always seek to
exp/ain
their actions to the child
who is receiving correction. A child
must be made to realize
why
he or
she is being disciplined. He or she
should understand the
justice
of
that correction. Don 't overdisci–
pline for a minor infraction. Don't
underdiscipline for a major one.
Correction sbould be greater, for
example, for stubbornness, tan–
trums and wrong attitudes than for
careless oversight or an accident
that did not involve a wrong atti–
tude. And remember, discipline
should never be revenge! Vindictive
parents are ineffective.
Poor child rearing produces
maladjusted, unfulfiJJed, insecure
children. Proper cbild rearing
bears the good fruit of brigbt,
responsive, well-adjusted, happy
children. Remember, proper child
rearing is built upon the bedrock
of these critica! principies: love
and open affection; right parental
example; intelligent, balanced
teaching; and effective, appropriate
discipline.
Accept Your Responsibillty
ow many parents today
know that God has ordained
government in the family
unit ? How many know God holds
fathers responsible for properly lead–
ing, guiding and providing for their
families?
This husband-father leadership in
no way demeans a mother's role.
Mothers often carry more of the
day-to-day load of teaching and
training of children, especially wben
they are young. But God holds
fathers accountable to see to it tbat
the home is being guided by God's
child-rearing instructions.
Of course, if a husband isn't phys–
ically present because of death,
divorce or desertion, the mother has
to do the best job possible. A forth–
coming installment will cover
instructions for single parents.
God's instructions on family gov–
ernment are clear. "For the husband
is head of the wife, as also Christ is
head of the church.· . . . Therefore,
just as the church is subject to
Christ, so let the wives be to their
own husbands in everything" (Eph.
5:23-24, RAV).
That doesn't mean a father can
rule his family in a dictatorial, self–
ish, ínconsiderate manner. God's
Word commands, " Husbands, love
your wives [and families, we could
add], even as Christ also loved the
church, and gave himself for it"
(Eph. 5:25).
Ephesians 6:4 also emphasizes
parental responsíbilities: "And you,
fathers, do not provoke your children
to wrath, but bring them up in the
training and admonition of the
Lord" (RAV). How contrary to
today's practices!
Next month we cover preschool
years as preparation for life. o
39