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ers should learn to
regular/y
hug
and kiss your children. Take them
in your arms and hug them when
you have been away from them for
a while. Play with them, teach
them, read to them while they are
sitting on your lap, and then hug
them and kiss them again as you
put them to bed.
Tell them: "Daddy and Mommy
!ove you. We are proud of you. We
are very glad to have a little boy (or
girl) like you. "
With such !ove and encourage–
ment , your children will bloom
before your eyes. For your !ove and
assurance and the sense of security
it provides will nourish them as
surely as physical food.
And in doing all this, you will be
building a deep bond of affection
and trust that will make it much
easier for your children to
want
to
respond to your training and to
please you even when you are not
present to supervise them.
Always let your children know
that you will love them and try to
help tbem no matter what. You may
disapprove or even correct them for
the genuine mistakes they will cer–
tainly make. But that does
NOT
change the underlying
!ove
and
affection you will always feel for
them.
But what is love? Many bave
false concepts of !ove. They think
!ove is to Jet their child do whatever
he or she wan ts to do at the
moment. This is not love- it's per–
missiveness, the antithesis of what
the Bible calls !ove.
"Love," says God, "is the fulfill–
ing of the law" (Rom. 13:10).
Jesus said God's law could be thus
summarized: " 'You shall Iove the
Lord your God with all your beart,
with all your soul, and with al! your
mind.' This is the first and great
commandment. And the second is
Iike it: 'You shall love your neighbor
as yourself' " (Matt. 22:37-39,
Revised Authorized Version).
Your relationship to God will
manifest itself to your children in
numerous ways. You will show !ove
and merey, because God shows us
love and merey.
Demonstrating respect for your
children is a basic quality of love.
Demonstrating that respect is
much easier when we realize that
children-and other persons- are
16
members of the God-created
human family and are potentially
members of the God family. T hat
in turn helps children approach
others in a similar way.
Parents need to realize that love
does not negate firm discipline.
There is a
right
time to discipline
children. But parents should never
allow themselves to go on a yelling,
storming rampage. That is not disci–
pline. Nor does it show self-disci–
pline. Such wild, uncontrolled
parental emotion will only produce
disrespect in a child for his or her
parents.
If
you are to really !ove your
children, you must Jearn to know
them as individuals. When children
know that you understand their
feelings and wants, they are much
more willing to respond posi–
tively to discipline.
Nothing frustrates children
more than to be told to do some–
thing when they feel that parents
don't understand. This does not
mean catering to a child's demands
or whims.
It
simply means listening
so that children don't feel you have
ignored their thoughts and feelings
when you use your authority. This
will lessen anger and resentment
that could come back to haunt you.
In-focus listening requires eye
contact, with physical
contact if appropriate.
Acknowledging that you
understand a child (even
if you disagree) is usually
helpful. Many parents
mistakenly do not accept
the fact
that a child may
have a different opinion.
Repeating a child's
thoughts is a good way to
ensure mutual under–
standing.
We al! lose our tempers
at times. When this hap–
pens don't be afraid to
apologize after things
have calmed clown. It is
possible to create a beau–
tiful thing out of a bad
experience. It's amazing
how pleasant communications can
become when a family member is
big enough to apologize when
wrong. You are teaching your chil–
dren by example how to admit and
handle their own mistakes.
The times of warmness and
closeness that usually follow such
episodes are among those special
memories that children and parents
never forget.
Showing care and concern for
others is an additional value you
can demonstrate and encourage in
your children. Take an active inter–
est in your children's activities and
their friends.
Take time to play
with .your children.
Caring is also reflected in the fam–
ily members' affection for each
other. Meo who believe they should
show an unemotional image to their
children deceive themselves. Moms
and dads who take their children up
in tbeir arms and express warm
affection are laying the foundation
for !ove, compassion and caring in
their children.
example is a criti–
factor in right child rear–
ing. Nothing renders a par–
ent's efforts in cbild rearing more
ineffective than parental bypocrisy.
Children cannot be expected to
adopt standards their parents are
unwilling to practice. Children and
teenagers who smoke pot or take
drugs will often point to their par–
ents' addiction to alcohol, tobacco or
prescription drugs.
If
children
observe one spouse verbally attack,
criticize or ridicule the other, they
are likely to think this is the appro–
priate way to respond.
The
PLAIN TRUTH