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to ingrain honest;- into children?
Authorities have identified severa!
effective methods:
•
Be honest with children your–
self.
They, just like you, would
rather know the truth than to be
kept in the dark. And they can
sense when you are not telling the
truth. Remember that you are their
model; everything you do is teach–
ing them. Keep communication
lines open so they know they
needn't líe to you.
•
Monitor your children's
thoughts and altitudes.
Attentive
parents can "read" children's atti–
tudes just by noticing the looks on
their faces. This requires spending
time with children, of course-some–
thing too few parents do. Be closely
aware of your children's develop–
ment, and constantly encourage them
to go in the right direction.
•
Be consístent in teaching,
example and discipline.
You are
influencing the way your chi ldren
make moral judgments.
•
Praise your children when they
tell the truth.
Even when confes–
sions result in punishment! Show
the child you are happy when he or
she tells the truth. A child wants
your approval. He wants to please
you and will develop the habit of
telling the truth because you show
satisfaction with your child's hon–
est response.
•
Don 't encourage "white líes."
Certain psychologists and educa–
tors would have you teach your
children to lie, for instance, when
they think they can avoid hurting
someone else's feeli ngs. But un–
truthfulness is habit-forming, and
one lie must always be supported
with others. Intimacy and !ove
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between people is much harder to
develop when one finds that the
other has been untruthful, even in
"small" areas.
•
He/p each chi/d develop an
understanding oj someone eise's
perspective in situations.
You
should, in other words, help your
child develop empathy through
instruction and discipline. Remind
the child: "How would you like it if
he or she did that to you?" Encour–
aging this perspective correlates
very strongly with positive moral
development.
•
Exp/ain that not everyone your
child meets wi/1 a/ways tel/ the
truth.
Then encourage your child
to hold to moral principies, the ones
you have taught. As Clifford Sager
says in his book
Intimare Part–
ners-Hidden Patterns oj Love
Re/ationships:
"Children are exposed to decep–
tion very early on. T hey see it all
around them. Even if their parents
genuinely stress honesty in all rela–
tionships, there are other ways in
which youngsters come in contact
with deceptions we not only toler–
ate but accept."
Mr. Sager points to the example
of television advertising, much of
which is more often than not
impl icitly inaccurate. Children
soon learn that eating a certain kind
of cereal won't make them into pro–
fessional sports stars--on the con–
trary, that eating certain sugar–
loaded cereals will rot their teeth!
Sager continues: "Even if par–
ents attempt to keep all promises, a
child soon learns that others
don't. ... Once a youngster be–
comes convinced of this, and espe–
cially when lying seems to gain
temporary advantage and truthful–
ness does not, patterns of deception
may be set up that become increas–
ingly hard to break."
Such patterns must eventually
be broken- indeed, never started
in the first place.
•
Teach that being honest does
not mean revealing every thought.
It
is not always necessary to comment,
but when one does, everything one
says should be the truth. Diplomacy
is not necessarily dishonesty.
•
More and more parents, teach–
ers and social researchers are redis–
covering the value of reading and
(Continued on page 31)
The
PLAIN TRUTH