Basic HTML Version
Parents in Need of Help
T
he good news is that
abusive parents can
change their behavior-if
they are willing to pul forth
the effort and seek help!
Various approaches and
programs exist.
Parent-help organizations
such as Parents Anonymous
and others work to keep
families intact if at all
possible . Their major goal is
to break the
generation-to-generation
chain of problems and
altitudes causing child
maltreatment.
constructively deal with their
problems and children. They
now share their
The vicious child-abuse
cycle can be broken with
new patterns of thinking and
living. Parents who abuse
their children have the
responsibility to break wrong
habits and develop more
po'sitive, loving and intelligent
ways of coping with
problems and child-rearing
difficulties.
Most critica!, of course, is
admitting abusive behavior
and the need for help to
cope with problems.
experiences, understanding
and successes with others.
Many parent-help programs
offer emotional support, a
listening ear and a friend to
call when tensions build up
and old abusive patterns
want to get control again.
Various prívate
organizations and
government-funded agencies
are set up in many
communities lo help parents
who need assistance to
co¡je with their problems
and stop child abuse.
Many of these programs
are manned by persons
who themselves once
abused children but have
learned how to
Abusing parents who have
sought help from these
programs have been
enabled to change their
entire approach to lile. Help
is as near as your telephone!
In the United States,
child-abuse hollines are
listed in the front pages of
most telephone directories. lf
not, a telephone operator
can be of assistance. In
other nations, assistance can
often be found through social
agencies.
cherished? Are they wanted or
not? Are they to be treated equally
and fairly or not?
Many abused children were
unplanned and unwanted. Numer–
ous of them were conceived out of
wedlock, or were the product of
a
forced marriage.
Often only one child of a family
is the subject of abuse while the
others are not. The potential for
child abuse is also influenced by
individual or cultural beliefs that
tolerate abuse for certain categories
of children: e.g., adopted children,
illegitimate children, females, re–
tarded or deformed children, or
children of a certain temperament.
In a fami ly with a high abuse
potential, a "good" baby may "luck
out" and be treated fairly well; but
a fussy one that is more demanding
may provoke serious abuse.
A child that is perceived as "dif–
ficult," or a "troublemaker," or
somehow deficient, is more likely
to be subject to abuse. Sometimes a
child is more abusively treated
because the child reminds a parent
of someone, or of sorne characteris–
tic the parent does not like.
•
Degree of Family Jsolation.
Authorities note that abusing par–
ents often have developed attitudes
or ways of living that isolate them
from receiving or seeking help from
others. Extended family ties are
often broken down or nonexistent
through frequent family relocations,
or through feuds with extended fam–
ily members or neighbors.
24
Abusive mothers often have no
close associations, no close friends
or social outlets to relieve or reduce
child-rearing pressures. Through
past experiences with parents or
guardians they have come to
believe they cannot trust others for
help. Therefore they seek none. As
a result, frustrations with personal
problems or children build up. A
limit is reached and the resentful
parent ends up Jashing out at the
children.
•
Leve/ of Underst'anding Child
Capabilities.
Child abusers fre–
quently have a distorted perception
of what a child is capable of doing
or understanding at a particular
stage of its development.
They tend to fe.el a very young
child should automatically be more
mature in its years than it is actual–
ly capable of being. Sorne parents
expect young children to automati–
cally perceive their adult feelings,
and to understand and respond as
an adult. When the child is notable
to perform as expected, the misled
or ignorant parent feels insulted by
his or her "inferior" offspring and
may be triggered into an abusive
reaction to "make him grow up."
Sorne mothers grew up foolishly
believing babies were to be a "bun–
dle of joy": a clean, cuddly baby
who would sleep in their arms,
smile at them and give them the
!ove they lacked in their lives.
There is often a rude awakening
when the baby turns out to be
demanding, fussy and sm.elly,
requiring sacrifice and attention at
inopportune times.
•
The Family Crisis Leve/.
Too
many problems too often will start to
wear down anyone's ability to cope.
Families practicing child abuse seem
to live life-styles that provoke fre–
quent crises-and they fail to handle
the crises wisely. Sorne make major
incidents out of incidents of minor
importance. At other times prob–
lems are often ignored until they
can't be, and then there is an over–
reaction.
Marital problems, financia! prob–
lems and employment difficulties
seem to pile up. Decisions to relocate
may be made frequently-causing a
sense of family rootlessness. (In
sorne cultures in the developing
world child abuse is a rarity. But
when these peoples move to urban
cultures or stdmge foreign cultures,
they lose traditional family support
systems and child abuse becomes a
big problem.)
Other crises that frequently
intrude into sorne abusing families
are frequent health problems or
abuse of alcohol and drugs.
As family crises and tensions
mount, little things like a child not
eating right, a soiled bed or a child
that is slow to respond to instruc–
tions suddenly become a big crisis
provoking a parent's abusive
response.
Whose Lit e ls lt?
There is an awesome purpose in
every human life-an awesome
The PLAIN TRUTH