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not perish, but have everlasting
life" (John
3:16).
Love, you see, is not a feeling of
selfish tingling emotions, like the
flaming sunset in an orange colored
sky. It's not that feeling of desire
and passion so often mistaken as
!ove.
Real love is the ability to put
one's selfish interests and feelings
aside and
GJVE
to the other per–
son.
Outside of marriage, the passions
that lead to sexual experimentation
are nothing more than lusi.
Can you imagine a teenage cou–
ple necking in the backseat of a car
whispering to each other, "Oh, how
I lust after yoti"?
No, they say, "Oh, how 1 love
you, 1 love you, l'll always love
you." But what they
really mean
is, "I am lusting after you." The
chances are that affair will last only
a short time, and they will each be
whisper ing the same thing to
another person later on.
Love-real love-is not even
possible without a degree of matur–
ity. Mature Iove that prepares a
couple for a lifetime of marriage
and commitment begins slowly and
grows. Love never stands still.
Of course love has to start some–
where. Romantic love begins with
an attraction to a member of the
opposite sex. There will probably
be a beginning feeling of in.fatua–
tion. But love that Jeads to mar–
riage must grow beyond that -and
not be based on attraction alone.
Underst anding Love from the Greek
Language
In the English Ianguage there is the
one word
/ove.
Because of that, few
are aware that there are different
meanings to the words in the Bible
translated into English as
/ove.
In
the Greek language, the language
of the New Testament, three dif–
ferent words translate into the
English word
/ove.
By understand–
ing them, one can better grasp what
kind of Iove to strive for in mar–
riage.
The first word is
eros.
l t forms
the root of our English word
erotic.
It is the kind of love discussed in
this ar ticle up to now.
Of course
eros
is an important
kind of love. Author H. Norman
Wright defines
eros
in his book
16
Pillars of Marriage,
as love that
seeks sensual expression.
It
is
desire. 1t is romantic, sexual )ove.
It
is inspired by the biological
structure of human nature- placed
in mankind at creation.
Of itself,
eros
is not wrong. But
it is a kind of love that should never
act alone. Unfortunately it is the
only love many people ever experi–
ence. But romantic, sensual )ove is
only part of the God-given concept
of
TOTAL
love.
The second kind of love comes
from the Greek word
philia.
Again
you may recognize the meaning–
for example, the name of the city of
Philadelphia means the city of
"brotherly Iove."
Philia
is friend–
ship, companionship, the physical
as well as emotional sharing of time
and interests.
lt
shows a desire to
cooperate.
Mr. Wright suggests the differ–
ence between
eros
and
philia
is
that
eros
is a face-to-face relation–
ship while
phi/ia
is a shoulder-to–
shoulder relationship. When ap–
plied to marriage it depicts a hus–
band and wife working together.
And parents and children and
brothers and sisters working
together.
A friend is someone whose com–
pany you prefer. Someone you
want to be with. Every good mar–
riage has
philia
love-husbands
and wives who want to be with each
other.
But these two words do not tell
the whole story of )ove.
The Great est Love of All
There is yet another Greek word
that explains the deep and spiritual
meaning of !ove. The word is
agape.
Eros
produces romance-makes
your mate your lover.
Philia
makes
your mate your friend. But
agape
goes far beyond.
Agape
is a love of
total commitment.
Agape
means
"selflessness."
Agape
is total
GIV–
ING
!ove.
This is the !ove God expressed
when he gave his only begotten
Son. He had no self-interest. He
was giv.jng the one gift that would
make possible the forgiveness of sin
and would save mankind.
In the human sphere,
agape
!ove
is thoughtfulness, concern, sensitiv–
ity to the needs of others.
But
agape
is not a natural !ove.
We were not born with it.
Jt
is not
the love of adolescence.
Eros
is
essentially in mankind by creation.
Philia
comes naturally- we all
want friends. But
agape
is acquired
by maturity.
And the highest form of love we
can attain is a gift that God can
give us. The very giving and loving
nature of God can be put within
human beings by a supernatural
miracle. Paul wrote, " ... the !ove
of God is shed abroad in our hearts
by the Holy [Spirit] which is given
unto us" (Rom.
5:5).
T hat is
agape
)ove.
One has not truly loved until that
selfless )ove has been experienced.
lt
is when every desire is for the
other person. Jesus said, "Greater
!ove hath no man than this, that a
man lay down his life for his
friends " (John
15: 13).
If and when,
in marriage, you come to the point
you would give your life for your
mate, then and only then, have you
experienced the penetrating mean–
ing of !ove.
Relevant to
agape
!ove in mar–
riage Paul further said in Ephesians
5:28-29,
NIV: "In this same way,
husbands ought to Iove
[agape]
their wives as their own bodies. He
who loves his wife loves himself.
After all, no one ever hated his own
body, but he feeds and cares for it,
just as Christ does the church"
(verse
25).
It
is natural to )ove the self.
It
is
not so natural to !ove someone else
that much. Thus God says that we
ought to grow in !ove toward our
mates equal to the !ove we have for
ourselves. No one can expect more.
But so few ever come close. Most
are simply so selfish they do not
achieve the real depth of love.
Too many marriages are based
on only one kind of
love- eros.
That Jove usually will not hold up
under pressure. And sadly, too
many marriages don't even have
philia
!ove. Sorne husbands and
wives are not even good friends.
When 1 was graduating from col–
lege, 1 went to a respected faculty
member for advice. 1 had dated a
number of young women, but
didn ' t really know my own feelings
clearly about romance. One whom
1 had dated throughout my college
years had become my best friend-
The PLAIN TRUTH