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well as his successes and triumphs with. And he is SO concerned
for her welfare and happiness that he wants to protect her, provide
for her, be always kind and gentle to her and considerate of her.
He feels LOVE for her, not lust. He wants to share with her his
struggles, his interests, his life. And SHE is the one he wants to
be the mother of his children. THAT is the LOVE that ought to be
marital love.
In the case of the Ambassador student who brought his
problem to me shortly before he graduated, after I explained these
two extremes, and the middle ground of true love, all became clear
to him. The girl he had known formerly and could not forget was in
the category of the first extreme. She had been physically
attractive to the extent that he now realized for the first time
all she aroused in him was pure physical desire---which he had not
recognized as lust. This realization removed her from his mind.
He became engaged very quickly to the girl he truly loved,
respected, was CONCERNED for, and wanted to be WITH. Now he
realized how altogether sweet and lovely she was to him.
Often a young man or woman finds it hard to get out of
mind some former romance. I had such a problem, myself. This was
not a girl of any of the three categories I have described. I had
dated her frequently over a period of two or three years. All the
fellows regarded her as an unusual girl---ambitious to excel in
whatever she did. She was always the best dancer on the floor---
the most smartly dressed. She could carry on a scintillating
conversation. An incident in a business deal between my father and
her mother broke it off. I had never "necked" with her. In those
years I was not thinking of marriage---no thought of "love" or
possible marriage had ever entered my mind. It was always just an
exciting and interesting date. I think it appealed to my vanity
that other fellows were jealous of me for dating her. I had not
seen her for two years when I met the girl who became Mrs.
Armstrong.
When I met her---or some two or three months after we
met, I was SURE I was, for the first time, in love. I had never
thought of any other girl in that way before---had never even
thought I was in love. After I met Mrs. Armstrong (to be), but
before I realized I was in love with her, I did begin to think
again of this former girl friend. Now I wondered if I had been in
love with her without realizing it. I tried to arrange to see her,
but she refused it. Once I found myself really in love with my
wife-to-be, however, there was no thought of ANY other girl. I
certainly did not start cold-bloodedly ANALYZING her to decide
whether she was good enough for me, or comparing her with others to
see if one of them might be more worthy of me. From that moment
she has been the only one.
Years later, however---about 25 years later---I received
a letter from this former girl friend. She had heard me on the
radio, and was coming to teach at a school in Washington and would
pass through Portland, Oregon. I was to meet her. You may be SURE
Mrs. Armstrong went with me to meet her. You should have seen
pictures of "before and after." Now, 25 years later, she was---
well, hardly the same chic young lady I had once dated. It seems