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senior year---to PUT MARRIAGE OUT OF MIND. Date different ones---
avoid "going steady" (a modern teen-age EVIL). Let dates be for
cultural development, mental and spiritual stimulation, and real
enjoyment---but WITHOUT thoughts of marriage.
But, when a student nears the stage of being properly
PREPARED for the responsibilities of home and family, just WHAT IS
IT TO BE IN LOVE?
Let's see if I can make it plainer than before. One
Ambassador senior, a few weeks before graduation, came to me with
his problem. He was thinking real seriously of a certain girl in
school---an upper-class girl. He admired, respected her, found her
altogether lovely---liked being in her company above all others---
thought he was "in love" with her, but couldn't be sure because he
could not get out of his mind another girl he had thought he was
"in love" with previously. He had not seen this other girl for
some time. She was not in college.
I tried to explain what true love really is. I happened
to mention to him that once or twice in a lifetime, a man meets a
woman who is so voluptuous and physically attractive that she makes
him think of just one thing---the desire to get her into his arms
and press her close to him in sensuous embrace. She arouses
instant SENSUOUS desire. The sight of her makes him want to
POSSESS---to have and to hold. No man should ever confuse that
attraction with love. No man should ever marry a woman who affects
him in that manner.
Then I went to the opposite extreme. A man can know a
woman whom he admires, respects very highly. She may even be a
beautiful woman. He may even enjoy her company---at least
occasionally. He dates her once in a while---but he feels he would
just as soon put his arms around a cold iron lamp post and try to
embrace it. She is a very fine person---he certainly holds her in
highest respect and esteem---but there is no physical attraction.
That is the other extreme---and that is NOT love, but merely
respect.
True LOVE is an OUTGOING CONCERN. It is not,
necessarily, wholly outgoing, devoid of a normal and right feeling
of desire. She must be physically attractive---but without being
sensually arousing. She does not make him think of sex,
physically. Even as God's GREAT and GENERAL command respecting
humans is that we shall love our neighbors AS ourselves, so true
love is that UNION of outgoing concern for the one loved and her
desirability to him.
True love does not produce sex arousal at sight. Pure
love involves respect, admiration, an unselfish concern for HER
happiness and welfare, combined with complete compatibility
mentally, socially, culturally, and complete physical desirability.
The girl is attractive, altogether LOVELY and physically desirable
in that normal way that is NOT sensuous, and does not bring on
thought of sex as such. He CARES for her in a way he does not for
any other. He wants to be with her---in her company. She is the
ONE he wants to talk things over with, to share his problems as