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38
changes!
But this must be a sustained
effort over many months in many cases
or even years.
Even if a wife finds it difficult to
respect her husband it is
not
her role to
bitterly indict him. This will insure the
eventual dissolution of the marriage.
The subject of the roles of husband
and wife goes much deeper when you
consider the little-understood mental
and psychological differences of the
maJe and female. One husband-wife
team of lawyer and counselor wrote:
"Deep at the root of every marital prob–
Jem is the simple fact that women rarely
understand meo, and no man has really
ever understood a woman.
If
this can
ever be changed, married life would be
smoother" (Kenneth and Irene Donel–
son,
lvfarried Today, Single Tomorrow,
p.
27).
Of course meo
can
understand
women - and women
can
understand
meo. But it isn't automatic. It involves
concern for the other and a proper
understanding of each one's role in the
marriage state.
V.
FINANCIAL
COMPATIBILITY
Financia! problems in marriage are
really only an
effect
of husbands and
wives not communicating (Point One)
or not knowing their roles (Point
Four). Finances are cited as a major
cause of divorce, but they are only an
effect of the other problems listed
above. Many people live happily within
a small salary when they communicate
and make a cooperative effort. Financia!
arguments are usually based on home
government - "How much credit ?"
and
"Who
controls the money?" Often
both
partners want control -
oc
per–
haps neither does.
Experts cite finances as one of the
major problem areas in many marriages.
A
Redbook
survey found that "nearly
60 percent quarrel about money." The
Donelsons, a husband-wife team of
marital lawyers, wrote, " ... husbands
and wives fight over too much just as
frequently as they do over too little"
(lvfarried Today, Single Tomorrow,
pp.
10-11) .
In other words, disagreement
over
how
the money is to be used.
Lewis M. Terman, in his voluminous
The
PLAIN TRUTH
research of marital conditions, listed
"money matters" in the top position of
husband-wife complaints. Dr. Popenoe,
Director of the American Institute for
Family Relations for over 40 years, clar–
ified this point in a
PLAIN
TRUTH inter–
view: "Most of the so-called causes of
divorce are actually symptoms rather
than causes. Financia! difficulties are
very common, but people don't break up
from these difli.culties if they're happily
married. Few people are really happily
married if they guarrel over finances
rather than simply working the problem
out together."
Practica! points in handling finances
include fi¡:st of all
commtmication of
needs,
accompanied by a willingness to
share. Once again this means having
011tgoing
concern for the other mate.
One primary consideration involves
the setting up of a family budget.
This encourages communication, consid–
eration of both partners' needs, and
agreement on priorities.
lmportant Financia!
Considerations
The main principies of budgeting
include paying necessities first, avoiding
credit purchases, and - an important
factor for marital happiness - allow–
ing each partner pocket money for
whicb he or she is not accountable to
the other. Many women complain they
can never buy the least ítem for them–
selves or their children without an
accounting to their husbands. Mean–
while, hubby stops to buy snacks,
drinks or trinkets whenever he likes.
Of course, there are also wives who
want to spend freely and at the same
time expect their husbands to account
for every penny.
Who
should manage the finances?
This is the crux of most financia! argu–
ments. The husband should take the
lead in setting up the budget. Depend–
ing on the circumstances, a wife might
keep the records and pay the bills.
Organization and individual duties wiH
vary with each family. There is no set
pattern. But, whatever is done, it should
be done together. Sharing financia!
duties promotes family harmony.
1t
builds stronger family ties in every way.
It doesn't matter whicb person stubs
February 1971
the checks or pays the clerk if they both
communicate
and cooperate.
Have Financia! Harmony
Sorne men dress in the latest styles,
while their wives are kept in shabby
housedresses. This is not financia!
responsibility
or
compatibility.
If
the
wife has expensive tastes for furnish–
ings, home, dothing, and transporta–
tion, and the husband makes only half
as much money as she wants, this is
not financia! compatibility. Both need to
give in - the wife should learn to do
without until the husband has worked
hard enough and long enough to earn
them. And the husband should study
and work hard in his occupation so he
can advance financially.
ln
our rapidly changing economy,
one more financia! consideration is
important. As Dr. Popenoe says, "Han–
dling the finances should be
reviewed
regular/y,
in the light of changing con–
ditions and the changing needs of home
and family ." Be aware of financia! news
enough to know when to buy a home, a
car, children's clothes. Study the cost of
living ( and the cost of
borrowing),
and counsel widely before making
major purchases or budget changes.
Finances are a very important subject
for every household in this affluent soci–
ety. For much more information about
this subject, write for our FREE booklet
Managing Yottr Personal Fi11ances,
a
common-sense manual based on sound
financia! principies.
Your Marriage CAN Be Happy
A
strong family unit truly is the
building block of a great nation. "A
strong monogamous family and the
highest culture" have historically always
gone together, according to Dr. Pope–
noe. " ... if one deteriorated, so did the
other!"
If
every couple practiced these five
points, the ascending divorce rate would
immediately begin to decline, then
vanish.
l t is g ratifying to know that thou–
sands of formerly unhappy marriages
have been revived and enriched when
the points discussed in this article
have been faithfully and thoroughly
applied.
o