Basic HTML Version
36
afraíd to pítch in with household chores
when the need arises. Spend an eve–
ning reading together. Comment to each
other on wbat you're learning. Say
"!
!ove you." Each one of these is
rmsel–
fish commmricatíon
at its best. In short,
!ove one another.
One form of communication which
couples shouldn't indulge in is
arg11ing.
When you communicate properly, argu–
ments will not build up. Argument is
not necessary. Communication, frank
and free, is!
Many wíves complain:
"Al!
he wants
to talk about is business or sports."
Husbands say: "All she wants to talk
about is the house or local gossip."
Each waits for the other to change, and
is not willing to make the first step.
This lack of desire to be concerned
with the needs of the other mate leads
to the often
enoneo11s
idea tbat both
husband and wife are
incompatible.
11. BUILD Compatibility and
Companionship
"But we're
not
compatible," answer
miUions of unhappy couples. "We just
don't have
anythíng
in common."
Chances are, before they were mar–
ried, a couple thought they had
ever)'·
thíng
amazingly in common. Never
were two people so ideally matched,
they thought. But why the idea now
that they are incompatible?
"Incompatible" is probably the most
frequently mentioned but least under–
stood of all terms regarding marriage
problems. Of course, no two persons
are perfectly compatible, or wholly
incompatible. Only by living with a
person do you learn his or her habits
and peculiarities. Compatibility is not a
birthright, but an
adj11stment.
The
greatest adjustment is to expand your
empírica! self to include another's way
of life. Too many men and women
want the other party to do all the
adjusting.
Compatíbility is a process that grows.
The degree to which a couple increase
their compatibility
is
the degree to
which their marriage will become
rewarding.
If
you really feel you have
nothing
in
common, make a list of all enjoyable
things that you have done or haven't
done but you wish you could. List
The
PLAIN TRUTH
between 10 and 25 items. Ask your
spouse to do the same thing, separately.
When you have both completed this,
compare lists. In most cases there will
be at least one common point of interest
between you - probably severa!. Use
that activity as a building block for
doing things together.
The more a couple think, act and do
together, the more compatible they
become. Struggling together against
misfortune or to reach common goals is
basic to marriage solidarity.
A survey of 250 happily married
wives disclosed that the overwhelming
reply to the question, "What do
you
like most about your husband
?"
was
u
companíonabílíty."
Yet, so often couples lack this
solid feeling that they are companions
together throughout life.
Meo have a tendency, more so than
women, to seek recreation with a group
of their own kind -
mm
-
rather
than with thcir wives. This should not
be so. Husbands, your wife should be
your best
fri~nd,
and favorite compan–
ion. Spend more time with her than
with any group of men.
Remember, no two people have
exactly the same likes and dislikes. But
that is
NOT
necessarily a handicap to a
happy marriage. Two people of quite
different natures are sometimes strongly
attracted to each other. Many authori–
ties say these complementary marriages
sometimes have even more potential
than the carbon copy pairings.
The solution once again is
0111going
interest for one's partner. Happiness in
marriage on this point is determined by
how much two people are willing to
overlook differences and strive to be of
one mind on all matters.
"lf two people start out with tre–
mendous differences and resolve them
over a lifetime of living together, they
have a strength inside each of them and
between them, that nothíng can take
away," wrote one marriage counselor.
For more information on commu–
nication and compatibility, write in for
your copy of the booklet
Y o11r Marriage
Can Be Happy.
Chapter titles include,
"How to Solve Family Arguments,"
"Wbat Are the Laws of Marriage," and
"Be a Family." This 72-page, color–
illustrated booklet is free upon request.
February 1971
There are two more kinds of incom–
patibility most often mentioned in the
divorce courts: sexual incompatibility
and financia! incompatibility.
III. Sexual Compatibility
There is no end to the publishing
of books about sex -
from the
excruciatingly factual manuals to the
torridly unfactual best-seller novels.
Three of five best-selling
nonfiction
books recently were sex manuals! Most
of the novels on the best-seller Jist were
liberally spiced with sex .
Look at the fruits of this sex knowl–
edge explosion.
About half of the 45 million married
couples in the U. S., it is claimed, are
"sexually incompatible to sorne degree."
It is "the great cause for divorce in this
country'' according to the now-famous
research team of Masters and Johnson.
Others estímate tbree fourths of all
married couples are sexually troubled,
with only about 10 percent of these due
to physical malfunctions.
But aren't all those "love guides"
helping these couples out of their igno–
rance? Not so.
Dr. Stephen Neiger, Executive Direc–
tor of the Sex Information and
Education Council of Canada (SIEC–
CAN), said, "Most of the troubled
couples who come to see me for coun–
seling have read three or four books on
how to make !ove, and have been so
damaged by them that they're forced to
seek professional help"! He found that
9 out of
1O
books on lovema.king were
"garbage . . . misleading information
sold in the guise of authoritative
knowledge."
Dr. Paul Popenoe, General Director
of the American Institute for Family
Relations in Los Angeles, agrees with
this analysis. He explains much sex lit–
erature "may be useless or harmful for
one of four reasons:
1)
Sorne of it deals
so largely with
abnormalitíes and per–
versiom
that it confuses the average
young person. 2) Sorne of it is so
vag11e
and general
that it is not applicable. 3)
Sorne of it is what might
be
called
mechaníslíc
...
and 4) Sorne of it is
what might
be
called
perfectíonist.
It
sets up a standard which few will need
to attain" (Paul Popenoe,
Mar~-iage
Is