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WHYNOT
COMMUNICATE
WITH YOUR KIDS?
C
hild psychology books tell us that a child of 18
months to two years old has one favorite word:
"No!" Come here: "No!" Shut the door: "No!"
Eat your cereal: "No!"
The first real communication frustrates the parents
- not to mention the child.
Why is"No!" thefavoriteword? Probably because that
is the most often heard word the child is familiar with,
because the parents have been using it most frequently
for the preceding 18 months! In order to protect the child
as he begins to crawl, and later walk, it is necessary to tell
him "No!" Don't put everything on the ftoor into your
mouth. Don't get near the fireplace. Don't touch the por–
celain birds on the coffee table. All the no-no's are well
established. The yes, thal's fine, good boy,good girl state–
ments we make are rare if not missing totally.
So the child figures "No!" must be the way to com–
murucate. Parents give up too soon because of this first
negative conversation- which may not seem to be a
conversation at a l!. TV takes over as the educator,
mother, father, baby-sitter. The child learns many
wrong things through this medium. After it is too late,
we try to control the viewing. That only anchors the
negative approach. But how can you reason with a
child? He won't understand.
Despite the fact that the child's next favorite word
seeros to be "Why?" we fail to recognize an effort at
meaningful communication. We substitute líes and
myths for true answers. The stork. Santa Claus. The
bogeyman. Meanwhile sex, violence and cartoons on
TV have communicated inaccuracies and total con–
fusion regarding the real world. Our child learns- but
mostly the wrong things, answers, solutions.
We give up. Maybe school will help straighten him
out-after all, teachers are supposed to teach, aren't
they? But by now it's probably too late. The child
knows he has not received meaningful answers from
his parents; he's coy and shy in even discussing (ad–
vanced communication) his real questions because
he's been told he won't understand even
if
he's told; or
to wait till he's older; or we don't have time now (and
probably never will); or don' t disturb me, I'm busy;
can't you do anything right? ; etc.
The
PLAIN TRUTH August 1978
Now the communication offered by TV contributes
to the sum total of ignorance of all the kids put to–
gether, and they share their fogged knowledge with
each other- don't trust anyone over ten! They've
learned you can't really talk about the things you want
to with your parents, the teachers, any adults- they
just put you off, don't give right answers, don't under–
stand.
Bad goes to worse and we end up saying we just
don' t understand why the child doesn't like school. get
better grades, why he runs with the "wrong crowd."
gets into trouble, smokes pot, gets pregnant, runs
away, seems to ha te us.
Children are a bother. We have forgotten what
Jesus said: "Let the children cometo me, for the King–
dom of God belongs to such as they. Don't send them
away! I tell you as seriously as I know how that any–
one who refuses to come to God as a little child will
never be allowed into his Kingdom" (Mark 10:14-15,
The Living Bib/e).
We hope God, our Father, willlisten to us when we
seek His help, guidance, answers. Seek and you shall
find. Knock and it shall be opened to you. Ask and
you shall receive. All those are positive responses from
God. He doesn't tell us to wait ti ll we are perfect so we
will understand. He forgives our imperfections and pa–
tiently listens, and through His Word offers real an–
swers to our problems.
There's a saying: "Talk is cheap." But it's not true.
Talk is very expensive. It takes time, concern, care,
thought, love. Kids know more than you think. Don't
underestimate them.
If
they don't understand your first
answer, phrase it in different words; ifthey don't under–
stand your second answer, phrase it in different words;
and on, and on, and on. Soon you will becommunicating.
Give them the benefit of the doubt and they will do the
same for you. Give them your time and theywiU give you
theirs when it really counts. Trust them and they will re–
turn the trust. Give them real answers and they will al–
ways come to you with their questions- and all their
questions a re important, because the answers are going
to form the basis oftheir lives.
Try it. Why not communicate with your kids?
o
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