Basic HTML Version
20
by the fact that they are parents, they
have the
1·espomibility
of being the
best
marriage counsellors for their children.
Who, but a parent, understands his
child well enough to give such personal
advice and help?
lt's not that many parents are apa–
thetic and just don't care. Most do. As a
sociologist at San Diego State College
put it: "The main problem is the lack of
any real guidance here." Parents usually
end up doing nothing. "There are hun–
dreds of thousands," said one worker,
"who out of their
011'1l
dilemmas,
unhappiness,
UNSUITABILITY AS PAR–
ENTS,
lack of discipline or a myriad of
characteristics have created and exerted
pressures on their daughters for
early
marriage"
(Teenage Marriage a11d
Divorce,
edited by S. M. Farber, and R.
H. Wilson, p. 33).
If
these parents aren't aware that
gids generally
SHOULD NOT
marry as
teen-agers, one has reason to wonder
about other "instruction" on sex, love,
and marriage.
A Massive Survey
Recently, Vanee Packard published
his 553-page book,
The Sexual Wilder–
ness.
The massive volwne surveyed and
analyzed the contemporary upheaval in
male-female relationships.
Packard spent four years in research
for his book, consulting 300 profes–
sional people; sent questionnaires which
were answered by more than 2,000 stu–
dents in U. S. and foreign universities;
visited 130 colleges; attended seven
national conferences.
His refereoce material could be
stacked in a pile reaching 30 feet in the
air. His conclusion?
"In
the past there have almost always
been rules, standards, and sharply
defined roles for each sex ... today, the
rules, standards, and assigned roles are
in disarray" (page 13).
Then, on page 16, Packard gave the
summary of a report on college students:
"In the matter of managing sexual
drive, the late adolescent's problems are
compounded by the fact that the
.ADULT
WORLD
itself has
NO CLBAR STAN–
DARDS OF BEHAVIOR.I"
It
is no wonder that parents and
adults in schools, the professions, the
religious leaders are unable to give
Tbe
PLAIN TRUTH
sound advice on sex, !ove, and mar–
riage. Adults
THEMSELVES
are bewil–
dered as to what the right standards,
information and basic principies gov–
erning these aspects of life really are.
Most parents admit they
don't have
the
answers!
When we see the divorce statistics -
the unhappy marriage statistics - we
can only surmise that something is
wrong with the
SOURCES
of the infor–
mation. Since, according to the teen–
agers, they get a hefty sharc of their
information and teaching
f
rom parents,
the only conclusion is that thc
PAREMTS
ARE FAJLING.
That means a lot of young people are
running arouncl thinking they know all
they need to know about sex, dating
and marriage when they really don't
know anything at all. After all, they
have asked
someone,
haven't they?
Computer Turoed "Marriage
Counselor"
Because all else has failed, sorne are
turning to another source -
comp11ters.
Over one million
people in the United
States have subscribed to computer dat–
ing services. Many of these agencies
have sprung up across the nation and
around the world, and have in recent
years blossomed into a multi-million–
dollar business.
One agency in Los Angeles, Califor–
nia advertises 15,000 new m:ltches
completed every month. A number of
these matches result in marriage, hope–
fully successful. Of course, there are
many "fly-by-night" operations.
The more exclusive services actually
employ staff psychologists. They issue a
battery of tests, and with the aid of the
computer and personal counsel from a
psychologist, couples are matched
according to "compatibility."
After following their matched cou–
ples through life for 10 years, one
firm reported a divorce rate of only 3%.
Still another has had over 400 mar–
riages with only 3 divorces, or less than
1% divorce.
One psychologist started arranging
marriages by IBM in 1957. Out of 500
marriages he reported only 1 divorce.
One
in
five hundred certainly looks
good compared to the current average.
A good lesson can be learned from
December 1970
these
bona fide
"computer dating"
organizations. First, the people who
come to them
w
ANT
marriage, bad
enough to pay for it. This usually
mcans they are willing to
WORK AT IT.
The people they meet will have many
areas in common with them. They will
enjoy doing the same things, their back–
grounds, attitudes and interests will be
much the same. They will at least have
sorne semblance of a foundation for suc–
cessful marriage.
They are
comrseled
by a no-nonsense
professional who tells them thc realities
of married lifc. This, of course, is the
key! It is the proper counsel
before
and
d11ring colfrtship
that is of such vital
importance. Herc is where parents pri–
marily - and other mature individuals
- should be providing
SOUND INFOR·
MATION, COUNSEL AND GUIDANCE TO
YOUNG PEOPLE.
lt needs to be given
long before
mnrriage.
Dating plays an important role in
success or failure in marriage. Marriage
is
a result of dating. That is a fact.
However, today, dating oftcn degeo–
erates into a state of merely "being
together."
It
is often full of heartache,
often full of problems and mistakes.
Proper Dating- A Key to
Successful Marriage
Teen-age is a time of sex discovery. It
is the process of growing up, corning to
puberty - the fui! sex'Ual awareness of
oneself and of other peoplc. Yet, long
before this,
parents shottld have been
leaching children the tme meaning of
Jex
-
its proper place in marriage -
and the absolute
F
ACT
that it is a sacred
and wholesome thing.
Children should be taught how to
date. They should be taught the two
real purposes of dating,
1)
to develop
personality and charro, and 2) to grow
toward a successful, happy marriage.
Teen-agers should be taught that you
don't develop your personality in the
back seat of a car, parked on a dark,
lonely roadside. You don't learn to con–
verse about important things slumped
in a seat in sorne dimly lit movie house.
Parents should teach their children
that there are absolute, living, spiritual
LAWS
that govern dating, sex and mar–
riage which
do
exact penalties when
( Contiwted
012
page 30)