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"THEY DIDN'T TELL ME
ANYTHING..."
16
The Plain Truth
asked a group of
college s tudents to give their
anonymous answers to questions
on sex education. Their responses
proved highly interesting. Below is
a sampling of their replies.
How did you find out about the
' 'facts of life"?
"From a bunch of girls a t a
slumber party." "Through an adult
other than my parents." "Through
kids and buddies a t school."
"From classes in sex education."
"From street talk." "Friends and 1
collaborated, then asked parents,
then compared notes." "Through
books and older men." "At Girl
Scout camp." "From pamphlets."
' 'Through films our church put
on." "From living on the farm."
"From movies." "Through biology
class." "From the encyclopedia."
Only a few said, "My mother sal
down and told me," or "My·father
taught me."
What role did your parents play in
teaching you about sexuality?
"They didn't talk about it
much." "They told me the basics
and then 1 sort of picked up the
rest on my own." "They never
talked about . it." "My father took
no part; my mother played a mi–
nor role." "They didn' t téll me
anything." "They gave me books
to read and told me something
from time to time." "If 1 had any
questions, Mom would answer
them, but my parents didn't ini–
tiate the discussion." "My mother
never was completely open."
"They were ashamed of it ...
made me feel that sex is a very
negative thing." "They gave me
the idea it was some thing you
didn't talk about." " If they did ex–
plain it to me, it was when 1 was so
young l couldn' t remember."
"They always managed to embar–
rass me." "They told me to read a
book." "They taught just bare nec-
ess ities." " My pare nts ne ve r
openly explaíned it." "They gave
moral guidance but no real specif–
ics." "They gave me a book and
told meto stay out of trouble." "lf
1 asked questions they usually cut
me short." "They didn't bring it up
and I was too shy to ask." "My
mother stressed 'stay away from
men.' ' ' Again, a minority reported
tha t their parents "were my main
teachers ... answered any ques–
tions 1 may have had while grow–
ing up ... were very honest and
open when we tal.ked.''
Nearly all of the students who
took part in the survey said they
will do it differently when it's their
turn to tell their own kids. "1' 11
start at an earlier age and give
more details.'' 'TU tell them so
they won't have to ask.'' " I'U be
more open, make myself available
for questions and go into more
depth."."l'U stress the value of fol–
lowing mora l standards rather
than stressing the 'wrongness.' " "1
want to be less guilt-conscious
... will make an attempt to not as–
sociate human sexuality with feel–
ings of guilt or shame." "1 don't
want tó leave it up to them to read
about sex by themselves- 1 would
like to go through a simple book
with
my children.'' "Even if they
don't bring it up, 1 will." "1 will not
make it a hush-hush subject." "I'd
want to have more open communi–
cation than my parents did with
me." "1will explain it to them before
they haveto ask, because often they
don' t ask.' ' "1 don' t imagine it will be
any easier forme than it was for my
parents." "1 will start when my kids
are small." "1 want to be more re–
laxed in my approach." " 1'11 tell
them everything." "1'11 teach them
about sex when they're young-be–
fore they're embarrassed about it.".
" My wife and 1 hopefully will do it
together."
they're
the ones who impart the
right kind of wholesome, respon–
sible a ttitudes about sex to their
children?
Adult Educatlon
First of all , parents have to make
sure they are themselves well versed
on the subject. Elizabeth Calle ton
(see following interview) says that
while they' re in the minority, "there
are forty-year-old women who don' t
know any more about thei r anat–
omy and physiology than a thirteen–
year-old girl.'' And there are proba–
bly forty-year-old men who are
just as ignora nt on a technical
leyel.
Jf anyone feels the need to bone
up on basic knowledge in this area,
his local Planned Parenthood Asso–
ciation can provide him wi th a
wealth of educational information
and even adult classes in many
cases. Or he might want to read on
the subj ect alone- he'll be in–
undated by a veritable avalanche of
material at his local bookstore or
library. Works like Dr. David Reu–
ben's
What You Always Wanted To
Know About Sex but Were Afraid To
Ask
explain the physical basics ade–
quately.
Taking a sex education cl ass
sometimes has the added benefit of
making it easier to discuss the sub–
ject at home. Sorne people who can't
bring themselves to say certain
words out loud can many times
overcome this inhibition in a formal
learning si tuation where such terms
are used matter-of-factly by instruc–
tors and other adults.
GeHing There Flrst
Getting yourself properly educated
about sex is the first step. Next , ex–
perts concur that the only way you
as a parent can win the race with the
gutter is to educate your child about
sex a t the earliest possible opportu–
nity. lf you wait till nursery school,
it might be too late. (Any informa–
tion you give your children should
of course be tailored to their leve! of
understanding. Trying to give them
too much too soon can result in
boredom or disinterest.)
.Educators agree that parents need
to create an atmosphere of open
communication on .
all
subjects–
then when questions about sex arise,
The
PLAIN TRUTH August-September 1977