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WHATEVER
HAPPENED
TO
FATHER?
by
David L. Antion
Do your 9hildren knowyou and
respect you?Areyou the major
influence in your child's lile?
lf
not, why not? This article
shows parents how to avoid a
generation gap in their family.
M
y parents fight ... they don't
understa nd me ... my fa-
ther doesn't talk to me ...
1
really hate both my parents ... my
father's away a lot ...
1
have no rap–
port with my father."
These
are
the confessions of in–
creasing numbers of teen-agers. But
why? Why should one of the closest,
warmest human relationships end
up on the rocks?
One of the biggest social prob–
Jems today is the parent-child prob–
lem. A communication gap has
separated teen-agers from their par–
ents. How does it come about? How
does this wall of misunderstanding
develop? When does it start? And
what can one doto correct·it?
Teen-agers Speak Out
Interviews with teen-agers, once the
loved, cuddled, .played-with, and
talked-to children, reveal sorne sur–
prising points.
"There are a lot of things that
1
don' t know about my parents," says
Chris, a sixteen-year-old sophomore
from New Jersey. "My father goes
out on the road. He never talks
about what he does. but
1
have to
wonder sometimes. My parents
fight . . . they fight all night"
(The
Music of Their Laughter,
Thorpe
and Blake, p. 1).
Sandy is sixteen, the second of
three girls. Here is how she views
36
her parents: "My father works for a
chemical fi rm.
I
don't know what he
does or how much he makes, but it
must be a lo
t.
beca use we live
well.
"My parents are concerned with
what other people think. It's really
not my mother. It 's mostly my
father. She's really nice. He's al!
right but he just doesn't understand.
He says that he wants to understand
and everything, but I don ' t think he
ever could, really. He's just not like
- he just won't understand. 1 guess
he's really concerned about his job.
and he's in the Lions Club business.
1don't know what that is. He's sorne
head of it or something. He goes to
that a couple of days a week, and
J
don't know . ...
J
don't know how to
describe him really"
(ibid.,
p. 3).
How pitiful! Here is a young girl
who does not really know her own
father and does not know how to
express herself well enough so he
will understand. Obviously there is
little family contact. She does not
even know what his job is or what
his club responsibility is.
Sandy's farnily lacks conversation
and cohesion. Sandy has contact
with her mother and feels that her
mother is "really nice." But she feels
that her father "doesn't under–
stand," couldn ' t understand, and
"won't understand." She started the
thought, "He's just not' like ...."
Then she interrupted her words. We
can only wonder to whom she was
comparing her father. Perhaps she
wished her father could understand
like one of her teachers does.
But in any case, we can plainly
see that Sandy has virtually given
up hope that there will ever be any
understanding with her father.
In just sixteen years, starting from
birth, here is a girl who has just
about ended all fellowship with her
father. How can this be?
What's He Really Like?
If you were to meet and talk with
Sandy's father, you would probably
like him. He is no doubt esteemed
highly among his associates at work
and in tbe Lions Club. He is likely
to be regarded as a stalwart member
of the community - an active, con–
tributing member of society.
In all probability , he doesn't
really know what his daughter
thinks. He evidently works hard.
giving time and energy to his job to
provide for his family. He sees his
daughter at home. getting ready for
her act ivities, school socials, etc.
Sometimes he must feel frustrated
and may comment, "I just don ' t un–
derstand these kids today. " At times
he may try to come up with some–
thing to say to bis daughter but is at
a loss to find any rapport. So, find–
ing no common ground, he buries
his face
in
the newspaper or hurries
off to his club duties.
The above situation describes
thousa nds of hom'es where there is
virtually no father inftuence. The
trouble is that too much time is
spent trying to pin the blame on
someone, instead of solving the
problem. Parents accuse the teens:
"They're young, rebellious, and
won't listen." The teens accuse the
parents: "They're square, hard–
nosed, and won't listen."
The common denominator? Nei–
ther will listen! Each usually feels
the other is at fault. For teen-agers,
the subject of parents is so charged
with emotion tha t many do not even
want to discuss it with interviewers.
Results of Another Survey
Bibi Wein, author of
The Runaway
Generation,
reported: "There was
more reticence and emotional
charge on the subject of parents
than on anything else covered in the
interviews." She further explained
that the teen-agers interviewed
spoke more openly about their sex–
ual activities, drugs, etc. than they
did about their parents.
She continued: "Rather than ex–
pressing hostility, anger or con–
descension for the elder generation,
most kids just didn't seem to want to
talk about it."
Teen-agers were asked. "Was
there a time when you liked your
parents better than you do now?"
Miss Wein reports: "Most answered
yes, but could not say when that
changed, or what had hap–
pened . . . . About 65% said their
parents did not know much about
their attitudes and feelings ."
Miss Wein then asked a series of
questions to discover the attitude of
teen-agers toward their parents.
"Question: Do you want them to
know more?
The
PLAIN TRUTH March 1977