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teacher from a chi ld 's infancy to
when he o r she leaves home as a
yo ung adult. The awesome impor–
tance of this responsibility must not
be underestimated.
And how does a pa ren t teach?
Generally. in two broad ca tegori es:
by
example
and by
directa
id.
Parental Example
By parental example. we simply
mean the way one li ves. The parent
is the model for his youngsters.
Have you seen the cancer ad aga inst
smoking in which a lova ble little
boy is accompanying his fa ther on a
wal k? He is imitating hi stride.
stoppi ng to look at whateve r his
handsome Dad examines. and fl op–
ping down for a rest just th e way his
fa ther does. carefully patterning his
behavior after the adult model he is
studying. There is pride, affection,
and respect for his father evident rn
eve ry move and express ion. Then
the father pulls out a ciga rette and
lights up. inha ling deeply. Sure
enough, the little boy picks up a
twig and lights up. inha ling deeply.
Sure enough, the little boy repeats
each gesture in pantomime. He is
learning to moke, because his won–
derful Dad does; it "must be" the
thing todo when you grow up.
Your .child ren copy you. Until
they get into school or among other
fa milies, you are the only model
th ey have. This fact is discussed by a
professor of developmental psychol–
ogy, Jerome Kagan, in an a rticle on
child development: "Lower-cl ass
pa rents may exhort their children to
work ha rd for good grades in school.
but the children do not perceive
their parents as persons who pub–
li cly engage in or express a va lue in
intellectual mastery themselves. As
a result, the children cannot view
mastery of intellectual skills as a
way of being similar to their par–
ents."
Your children
1-vant
to be like you,
so the best help you can give them is
the example o f healthy intcllectual
cu riosity and ba lanced everyday liv–
ing. Dad and Mom hug and kiss at
various times of the day. and cbil–
dren learn tha t marriage is happy.
Parents discuss calmly and wa rmly
their finances and big fam ily deci–
sions such as major purchases a nd
vacations. and children learn that
The
PLAIN TRUTH September 1976
husbands and wives are partners
and that decision making can be as
pleasant as it is importan!.
lf you grumble abou t routine
tasks, chi ldren decide wo rk is un–
pleasant instead of satisfying.
rr
they hear you make snide , cu tting
rc mark s about nei gh bors a nd
fri cnds. they learn gossip and "the
put-down .'' lf they see you plann ing
to cheat on your income tax or hear
you boasting of a· shady deal you
pulled , children learn to be dishon–
es t.
lf child ren see you reading and
discussing magazi nes and newspa–
pers. they Jearn to be aware of the
world outside the home. They see
that reading can be fun and stimu–
lating. as we ll as useful. lf the din–
ner table is the scene of a free
interchange of ideas and problems.
a source of mutua l help for all mem–
be rs, they learn to communi ca te, to
ask for help on the ir own problems.
For if we solve problems a long the
way and answe r importan! ques–
tions as they occur. there's far less
chance of what sorne people call
'' th e generation gap. "
So examine your life and behav–
ior to see if your example is what
you want to impress on your child's
mind. If it doesn't honestly measure
up. then begin to modify it. And
th e n rem em be r th a t we're a ll
human. Even when we're really
try ing to do our best, we' re not per–
fect. So if you've made a grea t big
blunder that your chi ldren wit–
nessed or are awa re of, don't be
afraid to admit it. Tell them that
through haste, thoughtlessness. or
mistaken judgment, you goofed;
and let it be a Jearning situation for
them. Explain that you want to try
to save them from sorne of the same
errors, ifyou can. Children love and
respect you more. not less. fo r hon–
esty. lt's hypocrisy that turns them
off. When they can sec the obvious
and wonde r why adu lts won't admit
it, that's when we lose s tature in
their eyes.
Parental Help
The second way that parents teach
is by direct aid. Tutoring or helping
wi th difficult par ts or homework is
the first thing that comes to mind.
At times a simpler explanation of a
concept in math. a few more cxam-
pies in English grammar, or helpi ng
them review their study sheet for a
history tes t may be all that's needed
to help them over a rough spot. Per–
hap a really weak arca will require
prolonged tuto ring until they've
caught up.
Maybe you' ll find out that they
didn't catch somet hing in class and
were too shy to ask. afraid they'd be
downgraded by their classmates.
This problem was brought to my
attcn tion a few years ago by an in–
cident in one of my classes.
1
had
asked the usual. "Are the re any
questions before we go on to the
next part?" One boy whom l knew
to be a pa rti cularly brigh t student
raised his hand and said. "Yes.
would you picase repeat just that
last part aga in?" I did. trying to
make it even simpler and clearer. As
1 was talking,
1
noticed a couple of
students taking further notes. The
bright boy came up tome after class
and said quietly, "1 rea lly under–
stood it the first time. Mrs. French.
but 1 know Billy didn't, and he's
afraid the kids' ll laugh at him if' he
lets on he didn' t ge t it."
The brigh t ones a re secure in their
knowledg~
and reputation. But the
average or slow ones don't havc the
same freedom to inquire, because.
unless they're unus ually tou gh–
minded, they are re luctant to face
the ridicule from their peers.
If your child is afraid to ask in
class, as a ·loving parent you' ll want
lo fi ll the gap. Then maybe you can
a lso bolster his courage a bi t. Tell
him there's nothing wrong with ask–
ing quest ions and tha t it's how we
a ll learn. Do as much as you can to
bolster him at home. Encourage
questions when he's with you. And
never
say, "That's a dumb ques–
ti on." lf he doesn't know and
H'ants
to know. that's not dumb. That's
bright. He shou ld be congratulatcd
for his intellectual curiosity and
then given the answer. lf you don't
know the answer, tell him so: "1
don't know the answer to that, but it
surc is a good question.'' Tell him
what kind of book th e answer can
be round in, and if you have it on
the shelf. go a nd look it up togc ther.
Once you've taught him how to find
information. he can do it himsclf the
nex t time. To put this kind of con–
fidence and information into a
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