Page 2817 - 1970S

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abuse, or emotional deprlvatlon. "1 wlsh,"

says Jolly, "1 could presertto !he publlc

a picture of a broken heart, a broken

spirit, a broken ldentity - of a chlld who,

by the time he's

tour

years old, truly be–

lleves he should have nevar been bOm. 1

!hink the horror lhat such a picture would

reflect would make any picture of physl–

cal ebuse look like Pollyanna golng dowñ

!he yellow brick road by comparison. 1• ·

oontinually ask myself: ls lhis part of the

thing behind youth suicides - people

trylng lo 'unbom: themselves, tryingto do

anythingto please mommyor daddy?' '

Thelnherlted Dlsease

--'Child abusers don'! lit neaUy lnto

any

social or economic classífication. Whlle

lt's true that statlstlcs show most abusive

parents to be poor, this is prlmarily be–

cause the

be

!ter off can keep their nemes

out

ot

lhe criminal record books. Uke–

wise, lhere is no

firrn ,

preeisely accurate

psychological profile of a chlld abuser.

Onty a small percentage are psychotic.

Parents who ebuse thelr chlldren are,

In fact, very much llke other parents. All

parents, unless they 11re, as Jolly

K.

puts

11. "living salnts, human vegetables, or

liars," must admit

they

have occasionaJ

"/ wlsh 1 cou/d present to the

public a· plcture of a broken

heart, a broken spirlt, a broken

ldentity - a chlld who, by the

time he's four years old,

· tru/y be/ieves he shou/d have

never been born"

hostile feelings toward their children. The

dlfferenee between the abuser and the

normal parent may be no more than a few

seconds when the mlnd is out of

co~trol

· and a few extra inches that the hand

swlngs before

it

is restrained.

There is, however, one fairly common

characterisilc arnong chlld abusers. The

vast majority were themselves abused

when they were children. 11 is, In fact. not

at all unpommon to be able to trace chlld

abuse back severa! generatlons. The

abusivl' paren! ls

QOI

~ome

sor! of rep–

retJensibfe social mutation. He reacts to

stress and provocatlon the way he

leamed lo from hls parents who learned

!he same from thelr_parents.

A

Long

Way,

Baby

No! only can individuals trace thelr

chlld ebuse problems to

t~eir

forefathers,

but socJely as a whole can also look al

the problem as a legacy bequeathed to

1t

by hlstory. l'o appreciate fully the ln–

gralned nature of the habil sociely has lo

"shake," we should ·real ize that much of

whal was commonplace treatment of chll–

dren for most of human hlstory would be

considerad felonious today.

Infanticida was common weU

into

the

Middle Ages. despite !he efforts of Chris–

tians. Those chi ldren who survived were

candidates for dellberate mutllation and

dlsfiguratlon (which made them more et–

fective beggars) or for "lherapeutlc"

treatments such as repeated dunkings in

ice water

of

for beatings and whippings

of dlabollcallnlenslty.

"Swaddling" a baby in centuries past

meant wrapping

lt

in bands so as to com·

pletely deprlve lt the use of lts arms and

legs. Swaddled lnfants were subject lo

WEEK ENDJNG OCTOBER 18, 1975

gangrene, but on the other hand, they

were easy to control. 11 even became

great sport to toss them around llke a

football.

Network televlslon mlght

even

run a bl–

centennial minute on how, amldstthe re–

llglous orlglns of our nation. parents trled

lo lllerally scare the

d~vll

out of their klds.

••A

common

moral lesson involved taking

children lo visit !he gibbet. where they

were torced lo inspect rotting corpses

hanglng t here as an example of what

happens to bad chlldren when they grow

up. Whole classes were taken out of

school lo wilness hangings, and parents

would olten whlp thelr chlldren alter:

wards lo make them remember what they

had seen" (Lioyd OeMause.

Psychology

Today,

Aprll1975).

Yet what ls significan! ls that the farther

backwe look, the worse the problem was.

Or lo look al il In the n¡ore optlmislic

reversa sense, the situatlon has gradually

lmproved down through hlslory. Bables

have come a long, long way. They riever

had 11 so good.

-

Second Chlldhoocl

Chlld abuse ls

an

adult disease. In

many ways. Successful programs llke

Parents Anonymous recognlze that the

typical chlld ·abuser still suffers. along

wlth hls chlldren. from hls own childhood.

Jolly explalns: "Wé llke to thlnk of our

program as a way that people can re–

experlence nurturlng w1thout the- nega–

tiva lhings they wenl through when they

were [abused) children." To that end Par–

ents Anonymous

iS

concerned ñot Ónty

wlth helplng people develop alternativa

modes of behavlor, bu

l.

also wilh glving

enthusiastic appreciatlon when they pul

the altematiyes into

practi~e.

Everyone needs nurturing. adults and

children alike. We seem to be coming to

realize that abuslve parents are as much

In need of proper nurturing as are thelr

chlldren. lf we <;an continue to act on that

realizatlon, we can allow ourselves to ..

hopa that In the near future chlld abuse

will be relegated to that place where lt ls

so coplously preserved - the pages

ot

hlstory.

In Parents Anonymous, members share

phone numbers, not only so tHat a mem:

ber can call someone tor

h~lp

in

a

mo–

ment

ot

weakness. but also so that they

can discuss their

successes.

lt's the kind

of positiva reinforéement that nurtures

the soul of both young and old.

o

Parents Anónymous

Although it has .the famous "Anony–

mous" as par! of lts tille. Parents Anony–

mous vañes in some respects

fcom

the

more familiar group, Alcoholles Anony–

mous. PA does not have anythlng resem–

bling !he "Twelve Steps" of the AA. nor

does ii insist on emphaslzing a splrltual

or religious solulion lO a person's chlld

abuse problem.

PA does make contlnuous use of pro–

fessiona1 advlce (from soclologlsts or

psychologists) In lts meetings. The meet–

lngs are led and partlcipated In by mem–

bers. but the professionaJ counselors are

presentt.o glve advice wben needed.

lf you feel you could benefit trom P.ar–

enls

Anonymous.

call

them ton free for

information eoncernlng !he chapter near–

est you . California resldents call

(800) 352-0386. Oulslde California ca11

(800) 421-0353. o

Teaching

Your Children

ToMake

Wise Decisions

What you can do to help

yóur

eh/Id make the best cholces In

the major declslons ot hls

lite.

by

Cllfford C. Marcussen

A bad decision made at age

8

may be

palnful. but al 21

11

could easlly

be

dlsas–

trous. We adults have dlscovered, in !he

wlsdom of hlndsight, lhat mistakes made

In chlldhood have lar less serlous con–

sequences !han !hose we make in early

adulthood.

You can help

your

chilct make good

declsloñs.

il

you

are wllling to pul some

thought, effort,

~nd

time lnto

11.

•

Tecllnlques for Decltloi!-Meklng

Th~re

are baslc technlques tor organ–

lzlng and making decfslons. They are

equafly valld for adults or children . They

· 1nc1ut1e:

1. Gel

al/ the lacts Ón

a

matter or

a

problem belorehand.

Thls phrase has

be–

come a cliché.

in

our soclety. bul il ls

nevertheless true. Children should. see

thélr ·parelits· <i·ooicated effort to "gei all

the facts.." Doin9

this

can often

make the

rlght declslon obvious. In any problem

between people, there are always át least

two sidos. Make sure you gel all the oP:

posing viewpoints.

2.

L/st decislons by príority.

When

chooslng which job to do, whlch ltem to

buy. or where to place your energy, llst

on paper the most importan! or urgen!

ltem first, then the second, llilrd, etc.

3.

Usi

al/

the potentlal consaquences,

both

positiva and negativa. Ask.

"lf

1Clid

thls. what could happen?" Then thlnk

through and write down each posslbillty,

proand con.

4.

List al/ your options.

Often there ls