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HireYour Own
Hip-PocketGod
by
Ron Horswell
Kiog David, in rather dt$ptrate
straits, onoe implored Ood to break the
teeth of
his
eoe¡nies, cut them to pieces
and
sweep them away in
a
wtúrlwind. In
faet,
lO
hear David talk, Ood was quite
amenable 10
doing
almost anything
vio–
len!, Üp to and including sbaking the
eanh and showeriog occasional celestial
arrows on the wicked, if it would belp
tbe Shepberd King's cause.
Ever
sinoe,
there have beco those
who, cause in band, bave sougbt to ofl'er
a few ritual.s or prayers to Ood in ex–
cbnoge for tbe scrvices of ltis angelic
·mercenarios. Unfonunately for those so
inclined, Ood seems rather reluetant to
diSpatch a cadre of cberubs upon evecy
request. In faet, bc's been known to be
downrigbt stingy with bis legioos.
But tltis basn't greatly impcded sorne
of the more pcrceptive, wbo
sooti
dis-
Nudity in Church
Tbe laCes! devclopmeot in churcb lit–
urgy seems to be an explosivo com–
bination of sex and spirituality,
remioi.scent or the good old Bible da
y$.
In East Lansing, Micbigao, tbe Uni–
tarian Uñivenalist Church has beguo
showing pomo fticks 10 raise mpney.
Early repons sbow that the featured
movies ·- "Love aod tbe Frencb
Woman" aod ''Seven Sbon Sexy Sto–
ríes" - are attracting far more viewe.rs
than last year's Disney fllms knd rar
more mooey
Iban
Bingo callen ever
dreamedof.
Meanwhile, dowo in the Bible Belt,
tbe Fint Uoitarian
CbW'Ch
of Richard–
son, Texas, bas spumed ceUuloid in fa–
vor of firstband female flesb. Tbey bave
tbeir
own
stripper.
Tbe
RiChardsoo
congiegation
was
re·
eeotly
graoed
witb a divine revelation
named Diana K.ing.
who
graciously do–
oated her time •od talentto do on Suo–
day morning wbat sbe does ror a living
on Saturday oigbt.
Needless to
s.ty,
tbe audience
was
eo–
static. Accordiog to the pastor, Bill
Nichols, 200 adult memben. aod theit
children watdled io "fascinated silence"
as Diana did (or undid) bcr thing. (One
wonders
if
the cburcb members nor–
maUy sit through servioes in sucb "fasci–
nated silence.") Mr. Nichols
cómmented,
"(
baveo't had one co.m–
plainL I feellike exotic dancing
i.s
a part
of life. Itlit very weU intoour servioe."
Diana berself waxed e!oquent oo the
cosmic joys of laying the truth barc.
"I
creatc a fantasy. 1 turo people oo. 1
really relt good.. lt's bard to articulato.
WEI!J( ENDINO JtJNE 7, 1975
covered that it didn't mucb mauer
if
Ood
was
no your side as long as people
tlr~>uglrt
he was.
So
down through tbe
a.ges, Ood's been the Sileot Panner in
innumerable ventures, botb business
a.nd militllry, eveo to tbe point ofsancti–
rying botb sidt$ or a war at tbe same
time.
Thc British labored uoder the "wltite
man'S burden." The Freoch, a
"cív.:
iliz.ing missioo." We Americans sweated
to
rultill
our "manif.St destiny'' as cbo–
sen pawns or Ood's boly
will.
Oranted,
we "pawos» rooked the lndians. We got
cbeap land, cbeap rt$0urces and cheap
labor, but wbat
a
sma!l price for tbe
beathen to pay in excbange ror tbe torcb
of "Creedom," the ligbt of Christianity,
and a little firewater thrown in no tbe
side.
•
Pioils imperialists bave always seco
the advantage of comparing themselves
10 Israel of old. Ood, if you
recall,
gave
ancient Israel upon eoteriog Canaan,
cane blaocbe to conquer, exterminate,
and oceupy.
As
Senator Alben Beveridge put it
'about tbe time America
was
geuing em-
how. you're expressing tbings in churcb
this way .... ll's atlirming oature and
love ..
~.u--
·
.
.~~<!_iz!t._to oi~n.a, ~~·P
bi8$•r
ero–
duetaoos are
an
the
offing:
~f
would like
10
do a sermon using !be exotic dance,
and members or tbe coogreg¡uion could
join me ifthey wishcd."
What
an
interestiog. even arousing,
idea. Furtbermore it would be oh
so
biblical! Justtbink, members of the coo–
gregatioo cou}d join in, takc ofl' their
clotbes, and "rise up to play'' just like
the aocient bra.elites (E.xodus
32:6).
lf
tbe churcb budget could sl80d it, tbey
could even cboreograph tbe exntic dllnc–
en arouod
a
golden calf. Wbat spititu–
alityl 1'bere¡s no limit 10 the series of
Passioo Play$ that could be built arouod
the Bible. After
all,
doeso't tbe apostle
Paul point us baek to the anc¡ent Israel- ,
ites - swinging desen oomads that thcy
were - for our examples (see
1
Corintlti–
ans
10:6)?
Spcaking or Corintbians, a permissive
pastor would be extremely bíblica! if'be
tricd ruoning bis cburcb tbe way the
Corintltians did - fomicatioo and'
all. ·
Tbe Oreelc verb "to Corintltiaoize" •
meant "10 prostituto ooeself." How sob–
li.me, Ho_w spiritual. How sexy.
Tbe Bible
is,
aller aU, a pretty sexy
bQok, in planes. The key i.s to pick the
rigbt pla= - and ignore tbc rest.
Diana King and Bill t-licbols bave ob–
viously pioneered a new coocept in
American religion.
Many
listless congre–
gations desperately need to be "tumed
on' ' to religion. Consequeotly, addi.og
sex to religion holds immeose poteotial
for li&hting the reviva! llame.
Yes, the
clock
can be moved back to
"tbat old time
religioo,~
back
10
~Bible
times" - like Sodom aod Oomor–
rah.
o
pite huogry: "Ood has not beco pre–
pariog tbe Eoglish-speakiog aod
Teutooic peoplcs for a thousand years
for noth.iog. . . . He has made
us
tbe
master orgaoizen or the world to cstab–
lish system where cbaos reigo.s. ... He
has made us adept in goveroment that
we may admioister govemmeot amoog
savagc an.d senil
e
pt9ples. .. . Aod oral!
'our race be has markcd the American
people as
His
cbosen natioo to finally
lead in the regeoeration ofthe
world.~
Howselll=! How noble! How coove–
nientl
Once having
"lsraelized~
yourself, aU
you ne.cd i.s
a
contemporacy Canaaoite
- a roe you
can
bill
as pagan or athei.stic
or degeoerate, a roe obviously aod bla-
180tly aligned with the mininos of evil, a
roe to be smashed witb divine ven–
geance orconquered witb divine merey.
Of coune. we Americans wereo't the
only ones sman enougb 10 employ Ood.
Afler
all,
wbom
do
you think Napoleoo,
Mussolini and Hitler claimed. as a
backcr? Tbe Devil?
Hitler belicved and convinced otben
tnat tbe
hopc
or the world lay with the.
lliscover
lhe
most
exdq
news
ol
atl.
The
Bible-
the
greatest
auccess
book
ever written -
shows
you
lhe
way lo
~ace.
happiness and pros·
perity.lt reveals
the
future
and
God's
master plan
In<
manklnd. Ambas–
sadn< •
College's free
t!4ble
corres–
pondence
coursé
¡jves
you a
solid
framewort<
of
Bible understandlng.
Here's a sampllng ot tapies covered:
God's Master Plan for Manklríd
• The
f>urpo$e
of
l~e
• Man's awosome
potential
• Living
1aws ol
success
•
~lh.
"hell" and
salva!~
Prophecy
• The
essential
keys
• Modem
nations
idenlified
• Annageddon
• Prophetic symbols
• End-dme chronology
Aryao raoe. Doth not oature berself
preacb
tbe
clear doctrine ofAryan supc–
riority? To poUute theAryan raoe meaot
(quoting
Mein Kampj)
"nothing less
tban sioning agaiost tbe
wi/1
or the- Eter–
na!
Creator."
Hitler, lite
so
many oth'ers, got
hu
will
mixed up with Ood's. Ood
WI\S
em–
ploycd.
And somewhere, somebow, by some–
ooe, Ood is no doubt still being em–
ployed.
Yet it
scems
doubtful tbat the Creator
is a "KeUy Ood,' out ror odd,-job hire,
10
scare !hose w)lo oeed scaring, to con–
vinco .tbose who need convincing. or to
brand tbose who oeed braodiog.
For some reasoo, it's beco hard for
us
humans to _distingui.sh between seeking
Ood's will aod seekiog our own
will
in
His
name. Surely there i.s some–
one kneeliñg ri&ht now in heartfelt
prayer:
Our Father who an in Heaven,
Hallowed be Tby Name,
My
Kingdom Come, .
M
y
wilJ
be done, on
eanh,
But endorsed in heaven.. ..
O
There
1s
no
twtion
chalge
n<
obllsja–
lion -
and
there are no
tests lo send
1n. You evaluate your
progress in
the
privacy of your hOme. Slmply liiLout
and
return
the
coupon.
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