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it's easy to turn to tbe older cbildren.
After all, you think, they're big
enough to understand. Well, maybe
they are! But your timing and
approach are all-important.
Sharing the load through hard–
ships can bind the famiJy together.
Can help you understand each other.
But you, the parent, must realize
that a young child is not mature
enough to handle problems that
seem to have no solution. Those
should be taken to God in prayer.
That doesn't mean you should
shield your children from reality.
Ask God in prayer for discernment
about which subjects to discuss
with the chi ldren. Teenagers, espe–
cially, need to learn how to cope
witb situations that requi re courage
and sacrifice. They need to under–
stand wbat it takes to run a borne.
That adul t living isn't just peaches
and crearn..
Select items that you think are
within tbeir tolerance and
take
them into your confidence.
Con–
struct a plan to resolve the problem
together. They will appreciate your
honesty and your respect for their
ability to help. But don't Jet your
children become your crying towel
and soak up an attitude of hopeless–
ness and despair.
Growing Up Too Fast
Sharing too much of tbe load with
the children can have negative con–
sequences. Many single parents
worry about forcing their teenagers
to grow up too fas
t.
Others may
hurry them along to adult indepen–
dence in an effort to ease the stress
in the borne. The old adage that
"kids should be kids" is true.
The apostle Paul said, "When
1
was a child I thought as a child, but
when I became a man I put away
childish things."
It
takes time,
training and discipline to bring a
child to adulthood.
So even in your special circum–
stances you should avoid forcing
your children to grow up too fast.
Even though they can and should
carry more responsibility than most
parents require of them, too much
too soon can give them a negative
outlook on life. They need time to be
children. Otherwise, they may
always feel that they missed out on
childhood and this in turn prevents
their becoming truly mature adults.
June
1985
Be sure you give them time to
play. Time to cultivate friendships
with others their own age. Time to
burn off a little of the foolishness of
youth and release the pent-up pres–
sure of extra responsibility. Re–
member, they have the same handi–
cap you do--lack of another parent
in the borne.
Parental Models
A God-intended major function of
a father and a mother is that of
parental models for the children. In
a complete family unit with father
and mother present this is a natural
and almost unnoticed process. Gen–
erally speaking, because of biolog–
ical and psychological traits boys
will emulate their fathers and girls
will emulate their mothers, while
taking on certain cbaracteristics of
both parents. Good parents will
encourage this practice!
But if you are single and have
children of the opposite sex living
with you, you are faced with a spe–
cial problem. Where will the child
learn bis role? Should you try to be
both fatber and mother?
Obviously certain responsibilities
may devolve upon you. You may be
breadwinner, cook, housekeeper,
mechanic, nurse and disciplinarían.
But you can't COft:lpletely fulfill
both masculine and feminine roles
as an example to your child. The
best advice is to be the best you can
possibly be in your rightful role as
either mother or father. Then build
associations witb stable families
that can provide tbe example of
masculinity or femininity missing
in your borne. Spend time together
with fami lies, and occasionally let
your child visit them alone for
short periods.
Look for good models among the
child's normal contacts and encour–
age communication with them.
Teachers, coaches, grandparents,
ministers and wives will often prove
ideal examples for your child to fol–
low.
Historical figures and biblical
personalities may also be used to
define the proper duties of both
sexes.
Teenagers
For any household there can be spe–
cial pressures in working with teen–
agers. But there is no reason for any
Christian parent to approach this
time
infear!
We all know tbat teens
are undergoing major changes in
their bodies and minds. This is a vital
and wonderful process that every
human being must go through .
Understanding it and planning for it
can help you and your child make
the best of it.
Communication must be the life-
Commun.ication must
be
the lifeblood of
your parent-cbild
relationsbip. You must
be able to listen
to and empathize with
your child.
blood of your parent-child relation–
ship. You must be able to listen to
and empathize with your adolescent.
Talk with him or her. You must be
mature enough to give advice and
guidance, but let the teenager make
decisions. You can't prevent him or
her from making sorne mistakes, so
stay close enough to help your teen–
ager learn from them. But as with
younger children, you must always
strive to seta right example and nev–
er compromise with God's word or
your own.
Seek to provide a broad range of
social, athletic and educational-aca–
demic experiences for your teenager.
Make your borne a hospitable and
predictable environment for your
children's friends. This will allow
you to know who your children's
friends are and if they're accept–
able.
Being a single parent is not easy.
But none is more important than
your God-given role in child rearing.
For you, no physical endeavor can be
more challenging or rewarding.
The final installment will cover
the controversia! subject of day–
care centers. o
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