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representations of the seemingly
eterna) war between parents and
teenagers over the type of music
the teens listen to. But the subject,
in reality, is not really one to be
laughed at.
As a parent you need to take par–
ticular interest in the music your
teenager finds enjoyable-again, not
from a negative, vindictive, con–
demning standpoint, but in an atti–
tude of helpfulness in steering your
child in the right direction. Much of
popular music today, with its themes
of violence, illicit sex and rebellion
against authority, is simply not good
fare for entertainment.
In considering the music your
teenager listens to, think: Since
music is one of the most powerful
instruments for good or evil that
the world has ever known, the
music your teen selects can make a
big difference in the attitudes and
behavior patterns he or she devel–
ops. Encourage your children to be
cautious and to ask questions
before being swept away by any
kind of music.
Is it constructive and uplifting to
mind and body? Or does it tend
unnecessarily to shock and upset and
lead listeners in moral and emotional
directions they shouldn't go?
It
can be a lot of fun exploring
the many different musical styles
other than the one your teen may
be locked into-or the one you may
be locked into yourselP. Why not
make sorne positive musical discov–
eries-together?
Sex Education
Befare you deal with questions
about love, sex and marriage prepa–
ration-and you
will,
as a con–
cerned parent, have to guide your
children in this area-we would
encourage you again to refer to our
free, full-length book
T he Missing
Dimension in Sex.
You would do well to guide your
teenager to and through specific
sexual information, fully discussing
areas such as premarital sex, birth
control, abortion and mar riage
planning.
Many parents are
~oncerned
about teen dating- when to allow it
and under what conditions. Parents
are the very ones who can do the
most to develop right dating atti–
tudes and habits in their children.
May 1985
Sponsoring quality group activities
for your young people can do a lot
to defuse the premature pairing off
and going steady that can take
place when your teens are forced
constantly to find their own special
outlets. Most important, get to
know the friends they have.
Career Planning
The area of career planning is
important to any teenager. Help
your teenager make right choices
by encouraging him or her to seek
full information on the wide variety
of occupations available. Numerous
books, tests and counseling services
are available to help your teen learn
more about bis or her aptitudes and
interests.
Get your teen thinking about the
future and help avoid the frustra–
tion that may come from taking
any job that comes along.
Recreation
The same advice would apply in the
area of recreational activities. Pro–
vide, as much as you can, for your
young person to explore many dif–
ferent types c;>f sports, hobbies and
travel opportunities. These will
help develop your teen into a well–
rounded, balanced adult.
And participate right along with
your teen in many of these activi–
ties. No one can take the place of a
parent. It's all too easy to excuse
ourselves from spending time with
our children. But no parent has a
valid excuse not to be actively
involved in the lives of bis or her
children as they grow from infancy
through the teen years into adult–
hood.
Although the individual interests
of teenagers can vary as widely as
they do with adults, taking the time
to show a true concern will show
your son or daughter that you real–
ly care.
True, it takes time to learn about
photography or skiing. Roller-skat–
ing with your kids or going with
them to an amusement park may
not be the most fun thing you ever
do. But putting forth the energy to
involve yourself in a realistic way
can benefit you, the parent, in
building bridges between you and
your children. This type of bond
cannot be bought with money.
An ideal way to create this bond
is to develop interests and hobbies
as a family (more fully explained in
an earlier installment). These can
offer areas of mutual interest when
your children reach their teenage
years. The point is that parents
should strive to share in the inter–
ests of their children, regardless of
their ages.
Teens Need Discipline, Too
As a young person grows older, dis–
cipline well may take the form of
denial of privileges. Proper disci–
pline gives a young person a sense
of security. To the surprise of sorne
parents a "code for parents" drawn
up by a group of young people stip–
ulates: "Be strict and consistent in
dishing out discipline. Show us
who's boss. It gives us a feeling of
security to know we've got sorne
strong supports under us.
"If
you catch us lying, stealing
or being cruel, get tough. Let us
know why what we did was wrong.
Impress on us the importance of
not repeating such behavior. When
we need punishment, dish it out.
But Jet us know you still !ove us,
even though we have let you down.
lt'll ·make us think twice befare we
make the same move again.
"And make it clear that you
mean what you say. Don't be
wishy-washy. Don't compromise.
And don't be intimidated by our
threats to drop out of school or
leave home. Stand firm.
If
you col–
lapse, we will know we beat you
down, and we will not be happy
abou~
the 'victory.' Kids don' t want
everything they ask for."
Above all, in every area where
you deal with your teenagers, be
positive. Show them that you deep–
ly care, and encourage them in
every way possible to succeed.
Ask yourself: "Am 1
for
my sons
and daughters? Am I interested
enough to get involved in their lives
during one of their most crucial
and potentially traumatic periods of
development?"
Let's be sure we understand our
parental responsibilities. Let's set
the example of caring about our
teens by knowing them and being
involved, in a positive way, with
them. Our next installment–
"Coping as a Single Parent"–
elaborates on this theme for those
coming from broken bornes. o
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