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When it comes to instilling char–
acter and morals, realize again that
example is of paramount impor–
tance. Your actions speak louder
than your words. Do you lie, cheat,
swear, follow a double standard,
gossip, complain, criticize? Your
children see it! How can a parent
expect to be credible to his children
if he does not follow his own
advice?"
Other forces, however, are also
trying to shape your children's
character. Television, radio, mu–
sic-these are powerful influences.
Any potential wrong effects of
these forces need to be offset. It
will take time and effort to success–
fully do battle with them when nec–
essary. But it is worth it.
Teach your children to respect
you, their teachers, their elders, the
laws of the land and the rights of
others. Be sure, too, that you are
personally living your life in such a
manner to deserve their respect and
honor.
Develop within your child the
belief and practice of proper values.
Explain the positive and negative
results of right or wrong actions, in
language your child will under–
stand. Vividly paint the picture.
Explain the bad results of smoking,
lying, drug use, too much televi–
sion, degrading music, the wrong
kind of friends, laziness, self-pity
and irresponsibility. Help him real–
ize why certain actions and conduct
are wrong and harmful.
Parents should teach their chil–
dren that there are absolute, living,
spiritual laws that govern all life,
and that these laws exact penalties if
they are broken. Teach your chil–
dren obedience to God and his laws.
Teach them the Ten Command–
ments. Explain how they apply to
everyday life, to situations your
children encounter in their day-to–
day existence. These great laws of
life summarize the way of giving,
the way of outgoing concern to fel–
lowman and of honor to God.
Bible study should be a part of
every family's schedule. Under–
score the principies you have been
teaching your children with exam–
ples from the Bible. Show them
examples of right behavior, explain
why this behavior pleased God, and
point out the blessings that carne
from such behavior. Also illustrate
Aprll 1985
the consequences of wrong behav–
ior by scriptural examples.
As a parent, you must be alert to
the times. Don't live in a dream
world. Don't assume things are the
same as when you were a child.
This is a fast-changing world, a
much different world than when
you were young. Children have a
natural desire to conform, to do
what their peers are doing.
As a parent, you must be
informed about today's youths and
their concerns and preoccupations.
Talk to your child; talk to other
parents; talk to teachers; read
newspapers and magazines. Keep
your fingers on the pulse of the
world. If you fail to understand the
influences bombarding your child,
you may be helpless to counter
them.
Watch for wrong attitudes in
your children. Be on guard against
attitudes of anger, selfishness, dis–
honesty and rebellion. Inquire why
your children feel the way they do.
Guide them to understand why any
such attitudes are harmful to them–
selves and to others. Instruct them
in the proper responses to situa–
tions, and why such responses work
for the best in the long run.
In the same vein, encourage the
right attitudes of love, giving, shar–
ing, understanding, obedience and
forgiveness. Show your pleasure
and appreciation when they act
responsibly.
Of course, it will at times be nec–
essary to discipline wrong conduct.
When such occasions arise, act with
wisdom, love, compassion, mercy–
and with firmness. Be strict in
things that are wrong. Don't be a
permissive parent. Correct in a
firm yet loving manner. Help them
understand why their actions were
wrong, and why discipline is neces–
sary.
Exercise the proper judgment in
deciding what type of correction to
administer. Proper corporal punish–
ment is an effective tool of cor–
rection at this age, but should not
be the only method used. Often a
simple predetermined denial of
privileges for a period of time can
be an effective form of discipline
for the removal of bad habits.
When physical correction is admin–
istered, remember that it should
never
cause injury to the child.
Child beating causes permanent
physical and-even more impor–
tantly- emotional damage to a
child.
Any correction should fit the
infraction. Use wisdom in cor–
rection. Bear in mind that children
are not adults and should not be
expected to act completely like
adults when they are young. Be
realistic. Don't overreact or over–
correct. Strive for the proper bal–
ance. Discipline in love, not in
anger.
If
you are emotionally out of
control, wait to cool down befare
administering correction. Don't let
your emotions cloud your judg–
ment.
Remember , too, that merey can
sometimes be as effective in teaching
the lesson as administering actual
discipline. The display of a forgiving
attitude on the part of the parent
("I'm not going to punish you
this
time, but ...") will impress your
children with your fairness if they
did not fully understand the prob–
lem. And even when proper corpor'al
punishment is administered, never
harbar a lingering grudge against
them. Let them know that you cor–
rected for their own good, and that
the matter is now over. Give them a
chance for an immediate change of
heart or action.
Also, it is important to reward
good conduct. Positive reinforce–
ment for right action is as effective a
teacher as discipline for wrongdoing.
Praise your children when the situa–
tion calls for it. Comment on your
pleasure at seeing their right con–
duct. Commend them for their help–
fulness and consideration. Such
rewards will lend powerful support
to your teaching that right conduct
brings happiness and harmony.
Praise does work wonders.
In summary, remember that
your preadolescent children are
young and full of energy. They are
inquisitive, impressionable and pli–
able. Establish contact with them.
And help them to establish contact
with God and he will help them.
Get to really know your children
and understand them. Be interested
and concerned . Be encouraging.
Lay a firm foundation in these cru–
cial years. Your efforts now will
pay eterna! dividends!
Our next installment covers the
teen years.
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