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ment to another human being. Tbe
crucial importance of close contact
between father and mother and
their child right after birth, has
been prevented or denied for more
than a generation .
Doctors, nurses and psycbolo–
gists are only now becoming aware
of this tragedy.
When mothers are allowed direct
skin-to-skin contact with thcir new–
born children, they respond to this
early, intimate contact with their
babies differently from mothers
denied such needed contact.
A remarkable study reported
that babies of early-contact moth–
ers gained more weight, cried less
and smiled and laughed more than
the other infants. lt was also found
that premature babies, who are sep–
arated from their mothers for long
periods after birth, are more likely
to be a bused than fu 11-term
babies.
Tn our "enlightened" modern
society where only 20 percent of
motbers experience natural child–
birth, babies generally are taken
November / December 1984
from their mothers just at the time
when they most desperately need to
be together. And studies today
show a father's relationship with
infant children is much more
important than previously believed.
Even the younger infant benefits
from the physical stimulation of
father's more rousing play.
Unfortunately, no matter tbe
benefits, this early separation of
parents and child is many times
only the beginning of a pattern
that carries on into later life.
In many families, parents allow
their children to mature without
those all-important physical ex–
pressions of life-the warm hugs
and caresses that show them they
are appreciated and cared for.
Children of such families g row
up feeling insecure, in hibited,
afraid of being hurt, and therefore
afraid of seeking intimacy with
others. They may have a hard
time in their dating and marriage
relationships. They may feel cold
and emotionally flat, without
knowing why. Later, as parents,
they will have hang-ups about
expressing love to their own off–
spring.
This is not to say that there is
no !ove in such nontouching fam–
ilies- the love is there, usually,
but it seems somehow stunted,
repressed or hidden. And hidden
!ove is not much better than no
love at al!.
Humans who are deprived in
infancy and childhood suffer dras–
tically from it. From survcys of
prisoners and of 49 different
primitive cultures it has bcen con–
cluded that deprivation of physical
affect ion ..is the principal overrid–
ing factor ... in the development
of alienation, psychopathy, vio–
lence and aggression, and ... drug
abuse and alcoholism."
The study is frightening: By
depriving infants and children of
physical love, parents will produce
adults who are gravely limitcd in
their ability to relate to others–
or who are even predisposed to
violent or criminal behavior!
Lack of love and affection in
the earliest years has long-range
negative effects. Perhaps you
yourself come from a family back–
ground that was cold, unemotional
and lacking in displays of physical
affection. Perhaps you were
ignored or even abused as a young
child. Therefore, you may find in
yourself certain fears or inhibi–
tions that you have found difficult
to overcome.
l f you or your mate have expe–
rienced these or other difficulties
that have caused a lack of outward
affection in you, talk it out, be
understanding and patient witb
each other. Prepare yourselves
mentally, physically and spiri–
tually before you decide to have a
baby. Then, when the infant does
arrive, by cuddling, embracing
and loving your baby, you are giv–
ing him or her the foundation that
you may have lacked- the knowl–
edge that he or she is loved,
accepted, secure. You can give
your childrcn inner resources that
will make them more confident,
more properly assertive, more
affectionate and outgoing as
adults.
Our next installment, "The Five
Basics," reveals how and when to
begin teaching your child.
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