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importance of confidence. In one
such experiment , severa! studen ts
were randomly proclaimed, during
the first day of class, to be the aca–
demic sprinters.
The instructor, in actuality, did
not yet know who the bright stu–
dents were. He merely praised a
select few for the genius he "int u–
itively" knew each possessed. The
same students actua ll y
became
the higher achievers. Their
boosted confidence, nurtured by
the high expectations of the
instructor, made the difference.
From a young age, children nat–
urally begin a continuous process of
evaluating themselves in the light
of the opinions and comments of
others. These self-appraisals com–
monly involve physical appearance,
intelligence, athletic abili ty, popu–
larity and much more.
Few parents reaJize the impact
they have on their chi ldren. A
child's concept of himself is largely
in fluenced by the way he thinks his
parents view him. Because children
are so impressionable, their confi-
July
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August 1984
dence is the most easily shaped or
shattered.
lt Begins in the Home
The greatest damagc to confidence
is often inflicted in the home.
Confidence can be impaired in a
variety of ways: by lack of praise
and encouragement, through per–
sonal shortcomings, inadequacies or
failures, or by the negative implica–
tions of others.
Parents
can
help by
monitoring the level of
confidence their children
show about themselves.
A child's comments such
as "l'm stupid ," " l can't
do a nythin g right," or
"Nobody likes me" may
be signs of a damaged
respect for oneself.
How do you recognize
a child who possesses a
healthy sense of personal
vaJue? Such a ch ild is not
easi l y intimidated or
frightened. He relates
well to adults a nd those
his age. Generally, he is
cheerful, energetic and
eager to try new things.
Physical appearance
can be the greatest threat
to confidence for many.
In a society that wrongly
places lofty value in
comeliness, the c hil d
with the slightest imper–
fections can become emo–
tionally handicapped.
l f a child appears con–
stantly to need an unusu–
aJ amount of praise and
encouragement, he or she
may be probing for something to
lift the feelings of inadequacy.
Many parents give little or no
thought to the importance of build–
ing confidence in their children.
And an abysmal self- image left
unremedied has serious effects. An
attitude of " 1 can't succeed , so why
try" quickly becomes a sel f- fulfill–
ing prophecy.
Praise Essential
One of the greatest tools for
building another's self-respect is
praise. But it is first necessary to
d istinguish praise from fl attery.
Praise is earned or dcserved. Flat–
tery is given regardless of merit- it
is a tool of those who believe the
end justifies the means.
Praise serves best when it has a
foc u s. "You've been helpful
today" is all right. But, "You did
a fine job mowing the lawn" is
muc h better. An encouraging
word of praise engenders more of
the kind of activity that prompted
it. This is truc with all age groups.
Approval a nd recognition from
others is one of the greatest moti–
vators known to man.
This is not to say that people
should laud others incessantly, but
that encouragement and sincere
compliments have a very positive
effect. Praise promotes a positive
atti tude and improvement. People,
young and old, tend to live up to
the expectations of others. Praise
creates the desire to "keep up the
good work" or to accomplish
more.
The necessity of praise, however,
does not do away with the need for
t imely correction. Chi ldren, in par–
ticular, must learn at an early age
which kinds of conduct a nd
thoughts are undesirable. But cor–
rection a nd praise are opposite
sides of the same coin. A child that
receives adequate encouragement
wi ll be more receptive to correction
when it is given.
When it comes to confidence,
modero conclusions reinforce bibli–
cal wisdom establ ished long ago:
"Anx iety in the heart of man
causes depression, but a good word
makes it g lad" (Prov. 12:25,
Revised Authorized Version). o
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