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INTERNATIONAL DESK
1Just Don't
Know
Whatto
"Believe"Anymore
S TRANGE
cities can be lonely
places at night- Vienna, Austria, is no
exception. Sorne Austrian friends had
invited me to dinner, but I had decided
instead to attend the Vienna Opera House.
Unfortunately, even on a cold winter's
evening the performance of
Der
Rosenkavalier
was nearly sold out. T he
clerk was apologetic. " The on ly seats left
are in a place where you won' t be able to
see anything." He added, "That's not a
good int roduction to our wonderful Opera
House. Please wait until you can buy a
good seat."
1 walked up Mariahi lferstrasse to my hotel ,
past the brightl y decorated shops. Many people
were still out doing their Chris-tmas shopping.
lt
began to rain, and 1 took shelter in a
crowded Little restau rant. Finding a seat at the
last vacant table, 1 ordered a bowl of gou lash
soup.
1 looked up to see an elderly lady loaded down
with severa! large shopping bags. " Do you mind if [
join you?" she said , in heavily accented English.
"All the other seats are full."
She ordered sorne coffee.
"ft
is cold outside,
nicht
wahr?"
1 agreed. We exchanged views about the
weather, the news, Vienna. "You are a tourist?" she
asked.
"Not really . 1 am a writer."
" 1 wish 1 was a writer. l want to write a book.
But 1 am just ordinary," she said.
She didn' t seem "just ordinary." 1 could see from
November / Oecember 19 83
her conversation that she was well educated. And
although she was now old and her clothes were
shabby, she sti ll had a certain dignity. She was, 1
realized, a person who had seen better times. She
seemed to want to tell me about herself.
" T am now a widow- T married twice-both my
husbands are dead. My first husband died before the
war. But before he died, he gave me a son. Let me
see ... " She Jooked at me keenly. "Yes, my son
would have been about your age now."
"Would have been ... ?"
She explained her infant son had contracted a
serious disease, and had lain close to death for
severa! weeks.
"Every day, 1 would visit him in the hospital.
Then 1 would go to the church, and beg God to
spare his life. Day after day
J
would do this. Then
one day, 1 said to myself- t his ·is wrong. 1 must not
be so insistent in telling God what to do."
"So next day, after 1 visited my son,
l
went to the
church and prayed, ' Father in heaven,
Thy
will
be
done.'
And l meant it. The next day, my little boy
died."
She paused a moment. " 1 know now that was the
best .answer to my prayer."
"Why do you say that? "
"Because ... 1 d idn' t tell you ... my first husband
was a J ew. So my little boy was half Jewish. l think
you know what that would have meant. ' '
Yes- she didn't have to elaborate.
Within a year or so of her son's death, Austria
was annexed by Hitler and became a part of the
Third Reich . The whole world now knows what that
would have meant for a little boy who was half
Jewish . Children were not spared from the " final
solution. "
"So, l accepted my little son's death as a blessing
in disguise. Also, in t hose days,
J
had faith.
I
have
always been religious. l asked tbe priests,
r
read
books and
L
looked in the Bible-and
f
knew that
would see my little boy again."
Her mood changed. Her eyes were fi lled with
tears.
" In those days, l had such strong faith. Now l am
not so sure. I wonder if
J
will see that little boy
again."
"Why do you wonder?"
" Because, back then, 1 believed. But now 1 have
to question my bel ief. The world has changed so
much in the last 40 years. People don't believe in
God like they used to. Even religious leaders in the
same church do not always agree with each other. 1
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